Thursday Thinking: Finding Solace in Everyday Life

This is a quick post I am writing as I am sitting on the couch with Little Girl before my work week starts at 12. I have been thinking a little about the future, about the now, and of course, about my children. There is so much going on in life right now that sometimes it seems hard to keep focus on just one thing for very long. There's work, there's the wife's school work, and the preparations for me getting ready to go back to school in the fall. There's Little Man going to school and having play dates, and Little Girl who is just... Well... Little Girl, sweet, adorable, sometimes rotten, but always after the spotlight.

Bills have to be paid, diapers bought, gas, food, household supplies, and by the time it is over, so is my paycheck. There is never the time to go out and just be with my wife, or just take a random trip with The Kiddos. We don't have the money to afford for me to take days off from work just to get away, and I feel like work will be the ruin of me before I know it. The hours are long, and the sleep is short. My brain hurts, my feet hurt, my chest hurts, and my heart hurts.

I feel like I cannot be the dad and husband I need to be when I am always gone and always stressed. Some days the only time I hear my children's voice is a quick phone call on my break. That's if they are in a good enough mood to even talk! The only time I see my wife is when I wake her up to tell her I love her and I am leaving. Overwhelming, overworked, over thinking. There is a happy place inside of it all though. A place of peace and solace.

There is peace in knowing that when the dust of life settles, everything we do, is just everything we've done. But we've done it for a reason. I do everything for my wife and for my children. I work through the exhaustion and the anger because it is what I have to do. I slip away to the walk in cooler at work just to look at their picture and remember why it is I am here. I check my inbox frequently to see if there are any "I Love You" texts from my wife. Tantrums can get to my core at home and sometimes I have to just hide out in the bathroom. Maybe just sit there and cover my ears, smoke a cigarette, and compose myself. Still, after the screaming fits and the crying from having a toy taken away, I can smile and find peace in knowing those are the screams of MY children. I am their daddy, and nothing can take that away from me. I am their's and they are mine.

Everyday life can be an everyday struggle on so many levels. We have the ability to press on, search within ourselves, and see what it is we needed to do and why we needed to do it. There is peace in knowing we did our best and did it for a good cause. Solace in simplicity when we lay down to go to sleep and realize we made it through another day. There are blessings in knowing that we woke up again, able to do it all.

**Thanks to Jonathon (@ganglion11) for the inspiration for this post. Finding peace in an unexpected place.**

A Time for Everything: Sunday Thoughts

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die; a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal; a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them; 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain; a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away; a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak; a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace." - Ecclesiastes 3:1-8 (NIV)

For the longest time, when I was younger,  I always thought that this was just a song by The Byrds. It was a long time before I knew that it was actually a bible verse. Either way, song or verse, it is such a powerful read. There is a time for everything in life. A concept that becomes more and more clear as life progresses.

There is a time for everything we do and everything that happens in our lives. I think the hardest part though is knowing when it's the time for what it's time for. How are we to decide when it is time for one thing and when to switch gears and make it time for another? Is is something that comes with age and experience? Or is it something that comes with a certain amount of faith and hope? Who knows, life is like that. There is something to be said for knowing when it is time to change, and time to move on in a different direction.

Life brings us to points in which we must make decisions and move in a little different of a shuffle. We realize that things are not exactly as they should be, or not how we want them to be, and we must decide what to do next. Often times there is a large amount of uncertainty, sense of being scared, or even downright freaking out! No matter what though, there is the knowledge that it is time for change. A knowledge more important than anything you can ever learn in a book or in the news. The seasons change, the seasons turn. And with the change comes new life and new chances. Chances to be better. Chances to love more and laugh more. Chances to make everything right again and continue on in a new and brighter direction. 

Life on Pause: Taking a Break

Wednesday morning we will be getting up early to head down to SC to stay with my mom and dad for Christmas. I am so excited to be returning for Christmas tradition in the home I grew up in for 22 years. The Kiddos are all excited to see Nana and Papa and their cousin The Precious. The four of us: mom, dad, my sister, and myself, all under the same loving roof we shared many years ago. Just this time we have added my wife and two kids, and her husband and one child.

As we were packing and making final preparations I was debating on taking the laptop with us. I sat and thought about it, then started thinking about the trip. We are blessed this year for the financial ability to make this trip a reality. It is a great chance to take a break from every day life and share this blessed time of year with family and some friends. That's when I decided: no laptop, no emails, and no social media for this trip. Sure I will probably tweet as we are on the road. It keeps me entertained when The Kiddos are napping and The Wifey is driving. I might send out a few pictures of The Kiddos opening presents and visiting with everyone, but that will be about it. 

The chance to completely take a break from everything seems so rare these days. We all have so much going on in our lives that it is very hard to just simply relax and forget. Sure my parental and spousal obligations are still intact for this trip, and a few more things added to those obligations. However, I have 7 days away from work and five days out of the house and offline. I want to put life on pause for a few days, do something different, somewhere different. I decided to schedule my posts today as well as a few promotional tweets for each that way there is no need for the laptop.

This is a time for us to be with family and friends that we don't get to see often enough. It is a chance for me to put the laptop and the phone down and not worry about what is going on. Memories are to be made and family love to be shared. There are hugs to give, hands to shake, and miles of road ahead of us. I hope you all have a great holiday weekend and a Merry Christmas to all of you who celebrate. 

This is TheDaddyYoDude signing off. Catch you next week when we return!

Music Monday: "Not Afraid" by Eminem

"I'm not afraid to take a stand

Everybody come take my hand

We'll walk this road together, through the storm

Whatever weather, cold or warm

Just let you know that, you're not alone

Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road"

Most of you I am sure have heard this song. It is from Eminem's newest CD called "Recovery" and is one amazing song. If you are someone who can look past the profane language to hear the beauty of these lyrics than I suggest checking it out. 

"I'ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly

And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony"

We have all heard it at some time in our lives. Somebody out there has told us "you will never ...". You can call it having a strong will, a strong personality, or being stubborn, but that phrase always gets me. Who is anybody to tell us that we can't be or can't do or can't can't can't? I have heard it many times in my life. You know what? There are probably many things that I could never be. Today though, I am a lot of things that 10 years ago nobody would have thought I could be. "You'll never be happy. You'll never find that someone. You will never have a successful life." My life may not be perfect, but I have a wicked awesome life. I am happy and I did find that someone. Thanks to that someone there are now two more someone's for whom I live my life. 

"I promise

To focus solely on handling my responsibility's as a father

So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it

You couldn't lift a single shingle on it"

Simply awesome. My first focus aside from being a husband, is my children. Their lives and their well being are my responsibility and come before everything else: my job, my blog, my friends. I would give my last 2 breaths to them if I knew that it would save them. I would give up everything I have if that is what I had to do. There is nothing that can stop me from being the dad my children need me to be. Well, except myself. It must be up to me to decide to be that dad. It must be my choice to do what I have to, or need to, for my family. Nobody on Earth can make that decision for me, and I don't think I would let them.

"Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club

Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up

Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon

But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing"

How I feel right now, especially after a lot of soul digging tonight and then listening to this song. It has been a rough few days emotionally and mentally. I'm not going to go into detail, but there are things that have to change, and things I need to work on about myself. Tonight after work I did a lot of thinking. I thought about who I am, and who I want to be. Then I thought about what I needed to do to make it from one to the other. Then I started thinking about The Kiddos, The Wifey, and life in general, and I smiled.

I feel great about where I am and who I am. I feel great about where I want to go and what it might take to get there. I am raising the standards for myself, and in turn, for my family. I will continue to shoot for the moon, but if I don't make it, that is quite alright. Because in this home, there are 3 stars, and I am happy residing among them. 

Blessed

It is late at night and I am still awake. Outside it is snowing, windy, and the cold is just brutal. I am inside, under the covers with the heat on, and posting from my phone.
I have been reviewing the day in my mind. What went wrong, who I was mad at. How was I as a dad today? Was I loving or did I fail to show love? Then I started thinking about how much worse things could be.
How blessed I am for what I have. How blessed I am that despite the bad, the good is prevailing. How foolish I am to have lost sight of all that is good and precious.
Tomorrow as the snow continues and the bitter cold remains, I will hug my children. I will show them my love and what they mean to me. I will kiss my wife and let her know my heart is still hers. I will let my family know that we are strong and we are blessed. I will not let the bad rule my thoughts. I am blessed and tomorrow I will live in the blessings that have been given to me.

The Value of a Life

How do you measure the value of human life? Is it by net worth and material possession? Is it by great accomplishments and acts of heroism? Or is it simply just because s person lived at all? Are we as a society charting a course to where  value of life is predetermined or must be assigned?

  I am sure you are all wondering why all the questions? The other day in my Twitter stream something caught my eye. A post written by Joyce Page entitled "Perfect Babies?" on her blog, The Next Page. The following is the beginning of the post, and sums up why I am asking so many questions.

"At first, when I read it on Facebook, I couldn’t believe it.  Twins were born in Arkansas and one of them has Down syndrome. Before they were born, the twins had been planned for adoption, but apparently, the parents want perfect children, so they rejected the baby with Down syndrome and now the child sits in the hospital with a Do Not Resuscitate order on it!  Sick!"

Really? There are really people out there that would throw a human life away like that? Even worse, we have a  government system and doctors who will let that child sit and wait to die? THIS IS DISGUSTING! Since when has it been okay to deny someone, ANYONE the right to at least try? A life is a life! Where is this world going? Are we going to start abandoning children because they are ADD? ADHD? Dyslexic? What the hell, people?! *breath breathe breathe breathe*

 Okay, let's continue a little more calmly now, shall we?

 I find it deeply disturbing and completely heartbreaking that people  that there are people so empty inside that they are capable of such things. I know it is hard to raise a child with special needs. I have been around children with special needs  before, and a lot of  you are parents of a special needs child. One thing that I always notice parents of children with special needs: Your love, your heart, and your will ALWAYS drive you to be the best parent you can be. There is much love in your family. I can feel it in your words.

 No  matter what difficulties face our children, or us as parents, LOVE can rule above  all things.  Ask yourself, as a matter of fact, EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU parents reading this ask yourself: Could I see myself abandoning my child because of an "imperfection"? Could I just cast him or her   out of my life, leave them with nobody, and never turn back?

 I was a drug addict for a number of years. Eventually my parents asked me to leave home because I had become unruly, my attitude towards them was not what my parents deserved, and I caused a lot of stress in the home. But note this: They still loved me. They still talked to me and they still cared about my life, even when I didn't. When I cleaned up, I was invited right back. Arms were open, hearts were open. My imperfections were not what my parents saw first when they looked at me. They saw their son. They saw the child that God had given them, and their love for the child that never faded.

I cannot imagine my life without The Kiddos. I cannot imagine not being a dad and not having the love I have for them in my life. To my children: No matter where life takes you, and what decisions you make. No matter how angry, or how upset I may get at times, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. You will always be my Little Man and Little Girl. Nothing and nobody will EVER take that away. I will never abandon you. I will never leave you. I will always be your dad. I will always have this same love for you, no matter what.

TO PARENTS: Go right now, stop reading this post, and go hug your children.  Tell them you love them for them. Let them know that no matter what the world thinks, they are yours. Let them feel the love you have for them through your words, your affirmation that you will never leave them, and through your actions. Don't be a part of this growing societal belief that perfection is the norm. NOBODY IS PERFECT. And that is okay. Love is true, it is blind, it is all. It knows no boundaries and no barriers. Love your children for who they are. They will love you for it.

Where I Come From: Reflections on a Saturday Morning

The day started off much like most Saturdays here. Very little traffic, slight rain, lazy mountain Saturday morning. The birds were scrambling to find shelter from the oncoming storm and cows out in the pastures were herding together to stay warm.

That's life here. Small town, middle of nowhere, up in the mountains life. It is a far cry from the busier, more populated, suburban town that I grew up in and the adjacent city I spent a good deal of time in before moving here to Virginia. It is easy going, not hustle and bustle, laid back, not gritting your teeth every minute, and small. VERY small. In fact, I believe the high school I went to housed more students than the entire town limits has residents here.