Fives and Fist Bumps: The Lost Art of the Best Friend Handshake

::Scene opens with a dark stage. Fog starts to roll out and an eerie red glow starts to show. Then, from the sky, you hear a booming voice::

Voice: Since the dawn of time, mankind has used its hands for communication. From the first pointing of a finger, to the first peace sign, to American Sign Language, the hand has been an important part of communication. Then, born in the hip hop era of the 90's, was dap. Following dap in the 90's was the fist bump and the finger guns. Strolling right on in with the hype of Y2K was the fist bump. Out of all of these, one still remains a sacred art. Practiced by few, but mastered by those. This for of communication is well planned out, well practiced, and never EVER forgotten. This is the lost art of the best friend hand shake.

::Epic music plays. Like that of the imperial march. Thunder sounds and light flashes all around::

Okay, I know what you are thinking already. "Ummmm .. uhhhhh ... okay? Not so exciting there guy with the whole 'panned out like a play' thing you're doing." To this I shall ask you: Do you have toddlers?

As a dad, it feels super awesome when your kids consider you a friend and playmate. My kids and I play in a Toy Story tent, we play cars, and run around like crazy. We have our own little games and our own little songs that we sing together. Always such a terrific feeling to see them smile, hear them laugh, and want to do it all again and again. Well, until my knees start to hurt, and my back is sore from crouching in that small tent for too long. We always have such fun when getting into serious play mode.

Both of my kiddos also have something just between myself and them. We have best friend hand shakes. Each child has their own handshake with me. Little Man's goes like this: High give, fist bump, handshake, and finger guns while saying "YEAH!" in a manly tone. Little Girl's is like this: High five and then fist bump with the thumb up and saying "oh yeah". This is a must do at some point during each day. With Little Girl it is mostly at night when I am getting her to sleep. It is a part of our typical bedtime routine. Little Man however is game for the handshake anytime he is in a good mood.

People say all the time that is is important that we are dads before we are friends. I very much agree with that statement. The only thing I have to say with it is that it is still a very big part of your child's life, to also be their friend and their playmate. You might not ever be their best friend, but they will know that you are here when they want to play, and that it is a joy to do so. I never miss a great opportunity to let loose and become a kid again. It keeps me young, keeps me smiling, and it keeps me involved. My children know they can come to me when they are scared, sad or hurt, and daddy will be there to make it better. They also know that I am there when they want to be chased, want to play house, or want to jump up and down on the couch until they hiccup. Daddy is there, handshake and all, always ready for whatever they have in store.

Discipline or Diversion

Having toddlers is one of those parts of being a dad that we all love and fear at the same time. It is an exciting time as a child's development is so rapid at this stage. They are learning to talk and communicate more, learning to read, learning to draw, and learning more and more about their surroundings.

Then they are learning things that aren't exactly the great and fun things mentioned above. They start learning how to test their boundaries and the best way to sneak around and do things that mommy and daddy wouldn't let them do if they knew. They learn the power of the word "no" and the phrase " I don't want to". This can become a very tricky time, not just for parents, but also for the kids. Obviously we all have certain expectations of how we want our children to act. Even at such a young age it is important to have boundaries and expectations to help curb bad behavior and promote development of good social skills and family practices. This is when one of the hardest parts (at least to me) of parenting starts: discipline. This is also when one of the toughest questions of parenthood get asked: Discipline or diversion?

"No" is one of those words that is thin ice for parenthood. It must be used in order for our children to know when they can't do something or have something, or when they are misbehaving and need to learn that it is unacceptable. On the other side of that ice is the fact that it will become a steady word in their vocabulary as well. So it now becomes a very tricky decision sometimes. Do you go right on into disciplinary mode, or do you try a diversion? I asked this question of Twitter to see what some of the responses were. It seems split right down the middle. Some people prefer discipline, some prefer diversion. It all depends on the child and/or the situation.

My Take on it All - There is a time and place for everything. This is also a step in learning what is appropriate reaction and when. I think that sometimes there are situations where discipline may not be necessary, but something must be done to calm a situation down. This is a great time for diversion. Tantrums and fits that don't really revolve around bad behavior don't particularly warrant disciplinary action. Getting everyone out and away from the situation may be the best way to go. Finding a book to read, new toy to play with, or getting a snack, all can be great ways to break everyone out of a stressful situation and restore the peace in the home.

Discipline should be about teaching a lesson between right and wrong, therefore action should be chosen carefully when there may not be any wrong doing. Discipline should be firm, decisive, and always followed through with. I believe every household has the issue of "daddy says this" but "mommy says this" when it comes to disciplinary action. We run into that often here. Setting guidelines, rules, and specific courses of action can help with this so that when the need arises, there is no doubt of the punishment. At the same time, punishment should always be followed through with a little talking. Take the time to explain why it happened, and how the child can prevent it from happening again. There is always an opportunity to teach a child the difference between right and wrong, but the middle of a tantrum is no place to do it.

As always, discipline and diversion should always be done in a loving manner. We may be angry or feelings may be hurt, but acting out in anger and taking it over the edge is just not healthy for anyone. It is easy to lose your temper when tantrums become too much, or maybe we're just having a bad day. But always act in love, and let your children know that you love them.

Now it's your turn! -  What do you think? Do you prefer discipline or diversion? What do you find works the best for you? Share in the comments section your thoughts on discipline and diversion. I would like to see what different parents think and where people stand on such a tricky issue. Share your thoughts!

Friday Fun Day: Children's Entertainment or (Parent's Sanity)

As a parent we all know that it can take going to extraordinary lengths to entertain young children. Car rides, family reunions, or even just at home. Children have a mind of their own and can be a tough crowd when it comes to entertainment. We go to such great measures to ensure our children's satisfaction and calmness level. I'm sure you can agree with me that such drastic protocol is necessary sometimes just to maintain mommy and daddy's sanity.

I have been known to spin a football while making loud crazy noises; Sliding across our tile floors in my socks then wiping out in the living room; Crawling into confined spaces, hiding, and scaring the kiddos. These are just a very small sampling of things I have done to get the grouchy level in the house down to a bare minimum and bring back the laughter. Hitting myself in the head with different toys, stepping on my own toes, even stretching my cheeks to the point I thought they were going to rip off of my face. Sometimes you just do what it takes, right? I asked the mighty Twitter what other parents have done to gain the upper hand in keeping their children calm. Here is what a few had to say:

@angiekinghorn - Blew up a glove a dr's offc 2 make it look like animals and sang Old McDonald while waiting an eternity for dr to come in.

@Call_Me_Heather - tried break dancing, also would intentionally hit my head and say "oh no I think I got brain damage" in a funny voice.

@bluecollard - One time I strapped about four diapers together put them on and ran around the house with the kids. #diaperparty

@krellpw - Crude noise & bad cartoon imitations are stand-bys. I've been known to "accidentally" fall into a pool fully dressed to get a laugh from kids. come to think of it, I tend to fall down a lot just to draw a laugh from the kids.

So now you can know that you are not alone when doing crazy, funny, and down right silly things to keep your children entertained and calm. Parents all over are going to the limit, pushing the envelope, and having the  envelope come back and pop them in the head just to draw a laugh, or gain attention. What do you do when the time calls for it? How do you get a laugh and entertain in a hurry? Share with us in the comments and let's all have a good laugh at ourselves and delight in the things that can create a smile.

The Trust Balance: Children's Trust in Parents

Kicking off a new series today entitled "The Trust Balance" in which I will explore the power of trust between children and parents, and between spouses. Trust is a very key foundation in any relationship, personal and business alike. Without trust, we cannot have firm relationships. This is especially true when it comes to the relationships we hold with members of our family. Today I will be exploring the trust relationship our children have in us as parents.

From the very beginning, children are dependent their parents. They depend on us for food, for comfort, for their well being, and for emotional development. The trust balance begins here. Our children have to know they can trust us. From the start, they do so without cognitive reason, and more out of need to survive. They start to learn early on that they can count on us for provision, for comfort when they are sick, sad, or just cranky. The trust a young infant has in their parents is a strong sense, and is a bond that needs to be maintained as the child grows. The question, however, is how do we maintain that trust?

WordFULL Wednesday

Many words come to mind when one is thinking about parenting. SO many words. So this Wednesday, I thought I would do something quite the opposite of WordLESS Wednesday, and go with WordFULL Wednesday. Through the power of what are my Twitter followers, a list of words has now been compiled based on the response to the question "What are words that come to mind when thinking about parenting". Originally I had intended on writing a short sentence about each word and how it relates to my dadhood. But so many words kept coming in I decided to take a different direction with it. I want you, the reader, to look through the list of words that my wonderful followers gave me. Pick your favorite word or phrase and leave a comment with a short sentence or two about how that word relates to your parenting life. 


Also, when you are done commenting, check out the people who contributed to the list, follow them, check out their blogs, and show them some love. They are all wonderful people!


Okay, now for the list. Like I said, pick your favorite, leave a comment with a short sentence or two about how it relates to your parenting life. I tried to eliminate any double entries but I am not promising anything (twas a big list) RT the post and let's see what everyone has to say! Ready??? GO!!!!



Caring, Loving, Educating, Compromising, Providing, Guiding, Leading, Protect, Secure,  Believing, Insanity, Pride, Hero, Friend, Honesty, Patience, Learning, Giving, Fear, Struggle, Prepared, Sad, Smile, Laugh, Tiring, Cute, Grow, Play Time, What-did-he-say!?! Questions, Attention, Fun, Toys, Amazement, Awe, Wonder Excitement
poop. Poop. SO much POOP, Exhilarating, More Exhaustion, Happiness, Soft Cheeks
Hugs, Shoes that keep getting bigger, Superwoman, Gentle sighs in the middle of the night. Breastfeeding. Laughter. Frustration Plans. Hope. Heartache. Kissing boo-boos better, Bare feet in grass. Home, Elation, Draining, Rewarding, Legacy, Love, Modeling
Quantity time, Truth, Mentor, Consistency, Hard, Rewarding, Painful, Awesome, Full of dichotomy, Sleepiness, Love, Smiles, Amazing, Stressful, Beautiful,  Fun Making, Loving, Problem Solving! Nurturing, Tireless, 24/7,  Humor, Providing an environment so they develop & soar  Self doubt, That it is worth it, Parenting is an art,  Discovery, Worry, Diapers, Imagination, Creative, Every career I could've ever had, all rolled into one! Biggest challenge & biggest honor




That is an INSANELY huge list! So get to it! Pick your fave, and tell us how it relates to your life as a parent. Got one that is not on the list? Share it and tell us about it!


Thanks to the following people for providing the words in the list. Check em all out! Great people, great parents.



@unxpctdblessing ... @fcsfinest1 ... @tilga ... @dadgineer ... @DaddyIncidents ... @daddycubed ... @willgoldstein ... @notsuperjustmom ... @TwinsMa ... @tshaka_zulu ... @heaterm ... @Twistedxtian ... @TempestBeauty ... @CaseKidsLikeIke ... @ABCfibi ... @Genuine ... @DaddyDistracted ... @krellpw
@theblondeview

Tweeps Helping Peeps : Introduction to the Newest Series for The DaddyYo Blog

I have been brewing with ideas for a new series on The DaddyYo Blog. And, with a little help from my tweeps, the new series is very close to going live! I have passed the idea around to several people, all of which have provided great feedback and support for this, and to those people I say thank you! Without you, this series would not be rolling and ready to go.

I would now like to introduce you to "Tweeps Helping Peeps". This will be a new, weekly series beginning in the next couple of weeks about raising children with special needs. The series seeks to highlight personal stories from families raising children with special needs, and also seeks to raise awareness and support for those families and others.

Those who share their stories are encouraged to provide links and other relevant information and resources on the topic of the illness or condition they are familiar with.  The hope is to keep the series as real as it can be by lending the space to anyone who has a story they would like to share. I hope that 90% or more of the content you find will be submitted by moms, dads, and other family members. Occasionally, however, the series will feature write-ups and information on various hospitals, research groups,  support groups, and advocacy groups with links to them and other helpful resources. I promise to be faithful in providing nothing but truth, facts, and helpful information that I find and feel safe in sharing. (I will do my homework when posting anything that is not a guest post from someone else)


DISCLAIMER : I, myself, do not have a child with needs, and NEVER will you find me trying to act like I know a lot about the subject. For that reason, most of the content found within the series will be written by moms, dads, and other family members themselves. This is a subject that has laid heavy on my heart, even since my early teen years. Not knowing first hand what it is like, facilitating discussion and connections is my way of extending a helping hand to those who need it.

The purpose, and hope for the future of this series, is to let people share their voices and their stories and connect with other families who go through the same things they do. I hope, in the future, this series will become a place for people seeking information and wanting to hear direct, first hand accounts, from the people who have lived it as well.


HOW YOU CAN HELP : Spread the word! Tweeting about it? Use the hashtag #TweepsHelpingPeeps to help me keep up with what is being said. If you or someone you know would like to share their story with other parents, then please contact me (John : thedaddyyoblog@gmail.com) or catch me on Twitter (@DaddyYoEffinRox)

This is a subject that I am passionate about, as I'm sure a lot of parents are. I'm very excited and anxious for this new series to begin, and I can't wait to share some of the stories I am already getting. Stay tuned to The DaddyYo Blog and keep up on Twitter for the official launch of the series. And of course, have a great Friday, and a fantastic weekend!

DaddyYo

"Tweeps Helping Peeps" Logo Design by Chris Routly
                                                                Catch him at Daddy Doctrines
                                                                and his comic "Life of Ronnie"

My Children are NOT Objects: Response to Video from @JessicaGottlieb

The originally scheduled post for today shall not be seen today, so that I can go off about this video. Major thanks to Jessica Gottlieb for putting this up and for all those who have shared it and it's incompetency and just plain wrongness. I am not going to embed the video because it is just sickening to think about, and extremely rage inspiring for me being a dad with a daughter. The link is at the bottom of the post if you wish to see it.

Here it is in a nutshell : Fashion bras for girls ages 4 to 6. That's right, ages 4 to 6. Sold in a popular store, marketed by people who just don't get it and just don't care. Well, I have a little something to say to them, because I DO get it, and I DO care.

My Children, My Dearest

I wish for you, my children, my dearest, a lifetime of love, and eternity of happiness.

I wish for you the best life has to offer, and the best life I can give.

I wish for you, my children, my dearest, all the riches of the heart and soul.

You'll never know how much I watch you, observe you, and study you.

You'll never know how much I envy you sometimes, and how I admire you.

You'll  never know how much I know you and how little you know this fact.

I know your faces. I know your smiles, and your frowns.

I know your happy from your sad. Your angry from your hurt.

I know your dances and your motions.

I know your love for each other, brilliant and true.

I know your thirst for affection, and your hunger for life.

I can read your minds and your hearts

I can feel your vibrant spirits and young souls.

I can see your feelings through your eyes and I love them all.

Never have I loved anyone the way I love you.

Never have I adored a human being the way I adore you.

Never could I dream of the feelings you bring to my life.

Never would I have imagined such perfect love.

You, my childen,  are the reason I breathe.

You , my dearest, are the reasons I hope and I dream.

You are the ones who make me be my best when I feel I am my worst.

You are my children, my dearest, my pride and my joy.

I will always put you first, my children, my dearest.

I will always there when you need me to be, want me to be, or ask me to be.

I will always care for you, nurture you, and guide you.

I will always love you with infallible love. With unbreakable, steadfast, incalculable love.

My children, my dearest, when my life comes to an end, remember I always loved you.

My children, my dearest, never forget who you are, and who's you are.

My children, my dearest, the world is your stage. Take it by storm

My children, my dearest.

Written in humble adoration, and unsilenced love,

Your father

Letter to Marlee: Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

To My Precious Marlee:

Today, you turn 1 year old. Now, I know that the number one is a very small number, but to your daddy, this is a big occasion. One year ago today, our family, and my heart became whole. The piece of the puzzle that I had waited 9 long months for, was brought into light and her screams filled my heart with cheer and my eyes with tears.

I will never forget the way I felt the first time I held you, the first time I kissed you, and the first time I gazed into your beautiful blue eyes. I will never forget the gladness that swelled up inside me to the point I thought my body would explode. (not to mention the first time I felt the fear of "OH MY GOSH SHE WILL BE A TEEN ONE DAY)

It has been such a joy and an honor to watch the miracle that is life once again over this last year. Watching you go from the infant that slept in my arms, to the little girl I'm always chasing around, pulling off the bottom stair, the cabinets, the chairs, your brother. The time has gone by so fast, and every minute that seems to have just slipped away, has not slipped away unnoticed.

You have my heart, and my promise; the promise to protect you, provide for you, and be your shoulder to cry on. You have my soul and my will, that no matter how hard it may seem, that I will always press forward, and be the best father I can be, because you deserve it.

You may never read these words, and that's okay; and right now are too young to understand. But always know this: Daddy will always love you, and always be here for you. You are MY daughter, and that is something that nothing, or nobody, can ever change.

I love you baby girl!

With adoration,
Daddy

"I know a girl

She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands"

"Daughters" by John Mayer

My First Book Review: "Faith of a Child" by Stefan Lanfer

There are a lot of parenting books out there. I mean, TONS of them. From faith based to sheer comical genious, each with its own approach when it comes to handling the ever changing, ever more difficult subject of parenting. There are so many to choose from that just looking at the rows of them in most bookstores is enough to send any new or soon-to-be dad into a black hole of "OH MY GOSH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?!"

So what IS a man to do? What's a soon-to-be or brand new dad supposed to do? Most the books are geared towards women, or they are repeats of the other 10,936 books you have already read. Your mind is racing and heart is pounding at this point, grasping for any sense of reality in these books that might just hit that "A-HA" switch to put you at ease. So you ask yourself, "Which one of these books is going to do it for me?"

Motherhood Madness Monday: Guest Post by Cynthia

As we dad's know, and have probably heard a thousand times from our spouses, mom's have a lot more stress from parenthood than we do. If you don't know this yet, then just ask any mom.

Motherhood Madness Monday is for moms to share their thoughts and feelings on certain subjects that relate to momhood. Being a dad, I obviously cannot give these words of wisdom and advice, or share the feelings of being a mom. So once a week I will ask a mom to guest post on a certain topic to give everyone the mom's eye view.

This week I asked Cynthia, 22 year old mother of a 3 year old with one on the way, to share with us her biggest fears and biggest dreams for her children. Thank you so much, Cynthia, for sharing with us.

Balancing Jobs and Kids: Guest Post by my Dad

Growing up, I can remember my dad being gone for days on business trips, being called in at 4am and not coming home for at least 24 hours. Constant phone calls and e-mail checking, late nights and early mornings. But all of that is greatly over powered by the other memories I have of my dad: Punk rock concerts in Charlotte  and Columbia, overnight trip to Charleston; driving lessons (and some scares for him), teaching me how to ride a bike in the high school parking lot. But most of all, that my dad was a provider, and a good one at that. No matter what the job called for, my dad had a higher calling to answer, and that was to be "Dad" and to provide. Thank you dad for everything you did for our family, and thank you for sharing this post.

Letter to Caleb: Happy Birthday Son!

TO MY SON ON HIS BIRTHDAY:

The day you were born was one of the proudest days of my life. To see you for the first time, hold you for the first time, give you your first "nosey" and tell you I love you for the first time. It was such an incredible feeling. I was now a daddy. And you were my son. My beautiful, wonderful, wide eyed son.

I remember that day very vividly. I remember the sights, the sounds, the smells, the wonderment of that day. I remember holding your mommy's hand as you were being born, and I was overcome. I felt such joy, such happiness, such excitement. There you were, my baby boy.


I remember the very first time you were put into my arms. I was so scared because you looked so fragile. But they laid you in my arms, and I felt you breathing, and felt your heart beat as I held you tight, and I knew I would never be the same.

It has been such a joy to watch you grow these last three years. From an infant who couldn't do anything but cry, eat, poop, and sleep; and now into a little boy who could do anything he put his mind to. From a mind that only knew so little, to a mind with such a vast imagination, full of amazing things still not known to your mother and I. A creativity that could only be yours, and a passion for life that can only be that of a child.
I love you my son. I have always, and will always love you. From the first time I layed my eyes on you, till the moment I take my last breath, my love for you, as your father, will always be strong, always be pure, and always be yours; and I will always be here for you whenever you need me. All you have to do is call for daddy, and I will be there.

In love, and adoration:
Daddy

Dancing with my Daughter: A Vid-Text Blog

Wordless Wednesday: B-Day Bash 2010

Fatherhood Friday - Faith Like A Child

"They say that I can move the mountains. And send them crashing into the sea. They say that I can walk on water. If I would follow and believe, with faith like a child" - Jars of Clay

Awesome lyrics as I think about the subject of today's post.  Faith like a child. You know, it never ceases to amaze me, the mind of a child that is. How the world is so open and full of new ideas and incalculable possibilities. Somewhere in the course of life we lose that ability to just walk with blind faith and unshakable ambition.


The photo above makes me think about this as it is my niece and my son looking out over Lake Murray in Lexington, SC. These two children have no fear about life and a passion for living that has no way to be explained in adult terms. They have a faith that cannot be broken and a hope that cannot be smashed.

Why is it that we lose this faith as we grow older. Sure, we know more about the dangers, uncertainties, and realities of the world as we grow, but why does this shake our faith down to it's foundation? Do we lose the ability to have this kind of faith? Do we lose the recognition of this faith?

Children all over the world, poor, rich, white, black, disabled, fully able, children everywhere, no matter the background, have a faith of the world that is to be admired, and in all honesty, something to be jealous of. Many children as they grow older will say "Daddy, I wanna be just like you" or "I'm going to be an astronaut when I grow up." We will say "okay, you be an astronaut" or "thank you for saying that." But do we believe like they do that these things are possible? If not, then why don't we?

I know this post seems more like a pointless ramble about stuff, but really, take a study of your children. Study how blindly they will follow you and believe everything you say. Watch as the hairbrush becomes a microphone to start the singing career they believe they will have when they grow up. Watch, in their eyes, this faith that allows them to greet each day with no fear, no animosities, and no worries. It is an amazing thing to behold and be inspired by. Where is our faith? Where is our childlike sense that will allow us to go out, dream, and believe that anything is possible with just a little faith?

"They say that I can walk on water. If I will follow and believe, with faith like a child"

Quick Q&A with Bruce Sallan

So I had been playing around with a few ideas for the blog, some different things to do other than my normal posts, and decided it would be awesome to do a few Q&A posts with figures in the world of parenting. It was with no question that as I was reading through some of his writings, that Bruce Sallan would be the first person I asked to take part.

Bruce, a former television producer and executive, is now a SAHD with quite a remarkable career going with his column "A Dad's Point of View", other writings carried on several websites, and the launch today of his radio show. He is available for coaching and speaking engagements, as a dad passionate about being a dad and helping others to become the best parents they can be.

Thank you so much for answering Bruce, and we look forward to your radio show live launch today! Now, without anymore waiting: Q&A with Bruce Sallan

Almost Wordless Wednesday - Four Generations of Proud Fatherhood

Below are two sets of photos. In these two sets are four generations of direct father/son relations. The first set was taken in 1994 and the second in 2007. I am honored to have been present in both and to have been around for the great stories and wise words from all the men in the two photos. My great grandfather and papa are no longer with us, but their love of family and conviction to do whatever it took to take care of their families will never be forgotten.

Left to right: My Papa Bo, My Great Grandfather James "Jim", Me, My Father

First Row: My Papa Bo, and Caleb

Second Row: Me, My Father

Motherhood Madness!!!

Okay, so in trying to branch out and do different things here on the blog and on the Facebook page, I decided that I would start posting periodically and direct it more towards the mom readers of the blog. From time to time I will be asking moms to submit a little something for the blog, based on a certain topic.

You know, when I first found out that my wife was pregnant for the first time, I didn't know what to think. I was overjoyed and extremely excited, yet at the same time I was so afraid and so worried. I had been around kids before, but never had such the responsibility of raising a child. It almost drove me crazy some days thinking about everything from "Will this child love me back?" to "Oh my gosh, what if it poops the black stuff out on the first poopie diaper change and it's my turn to do it?!?" Many things ran through my mind.

Well, turns out dads aren't alone in this by a long shot. Perhaps, even, moms have more and stronger fears and anxieties about it than many dads combines. I asked some mothers to share their biggest fear when first finding out they were going to be a mommy. Here's what a few of them had to say. Thank you ladies for sharing a little bit of the Mommy Madness with us!




LadyLiberal - Biggest fear for me was not bonding w/girl out of fear of losing her. We lost 1st baby 21 weeks into pregnancy. - Life, Liberty, and Vodka Tonics

MamaRocksReno - Definitely the biggest fear I faced was once I got the baby home from the hospital. I had a total irrational fear that someone was just going to come in and say, nope your not qualified we are just going to take her with us now.  It was so surreal to just bring the baby home without a parent handbook stating all the the things we need to do as parents.  Its just such a life changing event and once I became a mom and settled into the roll, my fears were erased and I realized I was MADE FOR THIS!! Being a mom is the single most important thing in my life and nothing I do in my life will have ever been more important than raising my 3 children and making sure they are ready for this ever changing world


Amber - my biggest fear is looseing my children or them getting hurt...


My Mother - What was my biggest concern when I found out I was going to have a baby? It wasn't how to take care of a baby -I had been around babies all my life. I knew how to feed, bathe, and clothe a little one. It wasn't whether I would love a baby enough. I knew our home was filled with love, and each new family addition would only multiply that feeling. No, my concerns were in altogether different areas...

As a Christian Mom, my first priority was to make sure my children would know who God was from an early age, and that they would each see and feel God's love in our home. Was I perfect at it? Not by a long shot! But I did my best to put God in front of them each and every day, and I did (and still do!) spend a lot of time on my knees, asking God to bless them and protect them and draw them close to Him.

Secondly, I wanted to prepare them for the world they would face as they became adults. I wanted my children to find their place in the world, to find a spouse to share their lives with, both joys and fears, happiness and sadness, for better or for worse - well, you get the picture. I wanted for them to find the work God planned for them, knowing they would never be truly happy if they did anything else. I wanted to teach them to look forward, beyond the here-and-now, to how their actions and decisions would affect future generations; to understand that the example they show their children now will likely be the example their grandchildren and great-grandchildren will see.

My children are grown now, with children of their own. I don't know if all my "lessons" got through to them or not - I suspect some did, and others, not so much. But I know that I love them with all my heart, and my grandchildren are the treasures of my heart. I know that I will continue to try to impart these same truths to my grandchildren, and I pray that somehow my family will be better for that, many, many years down the road

@Tilga - When I first saw that positive pregnancy test, I was 20 yrs old and had been married for 3 whole days to a man I'd known all of 6 wks. We'd already been accused of getting married because we were pregnant. That's not why we got married. We were young and stupid and thought love was enough to go ahead with marriage. Well, I was young. He was 27. He was just dumb! I literally freaked out when I saw that BFP (big fat positive)! 

My sister was born when I was just a few months shy of turning 14, so I'd taken care of a baby before. I was comfortable, if not confident, in my abilities as a care giver. That was not my concern.
We'd JUST gotten married and could barely afford to even BE married. And now we were bringing a life into the mix?! My biggest fear at that exact moment was lack of money.  Then, the humility of all those people accusing us of getting married bc of pregnancy and me denying it?! Well, turns out I WAS preg. They'd all think me a liar! Oh... And we lived in a 2-room efficiency apt downtown that we couldn't afford. Where would we put a baby?  And the cocaine and LSD we'd done over the past few weeks, celebrating New Years' and our wedding..?  The list of fears grew and grew.

Dad did a better job of calming me than anyone, reminding me that my sister wasn't expected but was so utterly loved and the joy she'd brought to our lives.. At that point she was only 7 & Mom still had most of her things. So, while we got all non-girly hand-me-downs & were pretty much covered in baby gear, we needed to move.
And the better I got to know my new husband, the more miserable I was. He was a spiteful, emotionally abusive, manipulative man. My monetary concerns were overshadowed by a deep sadness and fears of my mental and physical health and safety & that of my unborn child.

A friend helped me move our stuff to a 2 bedroom apartment. Of course, my husband didn't lift a finger. Not even to pack. This was not how I'd pictured my life would go while expecting my first child.
Things went quickly from bad to worse.  All those Lifetime movies where the woman won't leave or she let's him back in? I lived that. I didn't have black eyes, but bruises that were easily covered by clothing. The joy my baby brought me helped my breaking heart. He even seemed to know in the womb when I was upset. He'd kick more when I was crying than any other time, as if to comfort me. "I'm here, Mommy! I love you!". His kicks and gymnastics in-utero kept me going, kept me strong.

I now know I was deeply depressed during that time. And until he was well into his toddler years.
We went through alot, the two of us. I was able to free myself from his father shortly after his first birthday. The "slim" years began then. Until he was 2, I never knew when I'd get food again and quickly learned I could feed him a Kids' Cuisine microwave meal every day (twice on the weekends) while I survived on free coffee from work, some cigarettes (which were about $1.25/pack back then), and a 12 pk of beer per week (1-2 each night made me forget I was hungry)...  When things were very bad, a friend would show up with arm loads of groceries, out of nowhere.
I don't think he's completely unscathed by the things he saw between me and his father that first year of his life... He's still super protective of me and can't stand for me to be sad or hurt or to not feel well. He will flip out & try to take care of me.

But we are close and had great times playing peek-a-boo and dancing on the coffee table on Saturday nights and taking long walks around the apartment complex at dusk.
My initial fear was money. We didn't have much, but we had each other. And we made it. Whatever your beliefs, I believe God saw to it that we were provided for. Him working in mysterious ways and all.
There is a (mostly) happy ending.  My first-born will be 11 this fall, shortly after I celebrate 5 yrs of marriage to his stepdad, a wonderful (if not slightly obssessed with video games) man. We also have custody of my stepdaughter (she will be 12 at the end of the summer) and we just welcomed his half-brother into this world November 2009.
Our relationship will never be the same as mine with his baby brother or even his stepsister. Not after our journey.

From sitting at that 30 yr old table in our run-down efficiency apartment, wondering how I'll provide for this child, to being a stay-at-home mom to him and 2 others.. We've come a long way, baby.
And while we still have to worry about money, we will never again have to worry about our safety, security, health or welfare.

A Letter to my Mommy

To my mom:
From day one, you were always there. You held me with your love, and comforted me with your kind and humble spirit. Through the good times, the bad times, the rough times, you were always there. You guided me with your heart, and embraced me in your soul. You were always there to be a friend when I was lonely and to be a teacher when I was uncertain.

For 27 years you have offered me guidance, words of truth, words of motherly love and concern. None of the words have gone unheard. You have always been a guiding force of truth in my life and for that I am eternally grateful.

We've had a lot of great times these last 27 years. From birthday and Christmas parties in elementary school, to Orlando and yelling "I love baked beans!" at Steak and Shakes all over. Games of Phase 10 and round table discussions that flew off the map due to both us being slightly on the ADD side lol. Family vacations, church youth trips, and band trips we shared times together. Watching Heidi chase an oatmeal cream pie across the dining room and trying to rescue socks from her lock-tight jaws.

You have taught me about the value of family, and that life is not always easy. You have been there when I stumbled, and been there when I fell flat on my face. You have been there during my greatest triumphs, and my lowest points in life.

I am very proud to be able to call you my mother, and that it is a fact that can never be changed. I praise God everyday for you, and pray for His protection over you. I share stories with friends and family and of lessons you have taught me along my way.

I love you, Mom, and you will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you for everything you have ever done for me, and for everything you mean to me. I hope you have the greatest Mother's Day ever this year.

In love and admiration,
The Nimrod