Guest Post from The Dino Man: Paul Stickland

Welcome friends! Hope the weekend is finding you well today!

I am excited to once again introduce you to Paul Stickland. Paul Stickland is the author, illustrator and pop up book designer of many, many children's books and father to Rowan 27, Felix 17, Gus and Kit 15, Arthur 9 and Tabitha 20 months, all of whom had a lot of bedtime stories and some of whom still do! He lives in an rickety tall house in an ancient stone town in deepest Dorset in England and when not drawing dinosaurs and diggers likes to make a lot of noise with his partner Helen in their band. I invited Paul back to The DaddyYo Blog today to talk about his life as an author and dad of six. It has been my pleasure to meet him on Twitter and find out that he authored three of Little Man's favorite dinosaur books. So before I waste any more time, please welcome Paul, in his own words.

Blog Swap: Please Welcome Heather

Hey everyone! Welcome to The DaddyYo Blog today! Today I am honored to have a great friend of mine participating in a blog swap with me. I am about to jet on over to her blog to hang out for the day, and she has come here! Please welcome Heather to the blog today. Heather is mommy to a precious little boy, Malichia, and devoted wife to Jake, who is in the Army. She blogs about her life as an Army Wife, Toddler Mommy and you can also find her on Twitter.

Okay, I am out for the day. Headed over to Heather’s blog. So stick around and check out this wonderful post from her about the fears of becoming a mom and raising a child while daddy is away on duty. See ya later! Now, Heather in her own words.

Guest Post: My Daughter Will Redefine Girly

Being the dad of a daughter is going to be tough when Little Girl starts getting older. I know she will be bombarded by images and messages of what she should look like, dress like and act like. I make it my fight to make sure she knows that she is beautiful and powerful, just the way she is.

Today it is my pleasure to introduce you to Melissa. Melissa Wardy is a mother of two who owns and operates Pigtail Pals – Redefine Girly, an online store and media literacy blog that aims to change the way we look at girlhood. Our empowering products show girls they may be smart, daring, and adventurous. Melissa is hanging out with me today to talk a little bit about her own daughter, and redefining girly. So without further delay, here is Melissa in her own words!

When my daughter was born and I would spend the day holding her and dream about catching lightening bugs, teaching her to ride a bike and kick a soccer ball, reading “Little House On The Prairie”, and flying kites. A childhood fit for a Norman Rockwell piece for the Saturday Evening Post.

When my tiny girl was a few weeks old, I needed to restock on diapers so I ventured out to Target, running my first official errand as a mom. I came home mystified. My eyes were glazed over from pink pegboard and walls of plastic dolls that looked like sex workers and tulle and tiaras and slogans on every shirt that read “I love being the Princess” and “Daddy’s Princess” and “Sweet as Candy” and “Angel” and “Sassy, sometimes Sweet” and “Future Shopaholic”. The excess of tiaras and rhinestones had done me in. And why were girls being objectified into sweet candy? Gross.

This was girlhood? This was how I was supposed to raise my daughter? With these kinds of messages? And why was everything pink? I couldn’t understand it, and thought perhaps my post pregnancy hormones had made me time travel. You know, to 1950.

A few months later I was at a playgroup with my daughter and one of the mothers asked when I would introduce her to the Disney Princesses and Barbie. I suggested that maybe I wouldn’t, or at least I was in no rush to, because I didn’t think they were good role models for girls. The other mothers stared or laughed at me, as if I was from outer space. I explained I wasn’t about to raise my girl to wish upon a star and wait for

her prince. I’d rather teach her to get into a rocket ship and reach that star for herself. I wanted that message on infant girl clothing, but couldn’t find it. At least, I couldn’t find it on the “girl side” of the aisle.

Then I had one of those A ha! moments – why wasn’t anyone making clothes like that for girls? I scooped up my baby, raced home, and I filled page after page with ideas and drawings and plans…..for what would become my company Pigtail Pals.

I don’t see childhood as having a boy side and a girl side. I see childhood as a time for brightly colored, unstructured play fueled by powerful imaginations and the understanding all young children seem to have that the world is their oyster.

I have worked diligently to keep our home media literate, gender neutral with toys, and full of playthings that are open ended. My husband and I try to keep gender stereotypes and sexualization out of our home. I certainly will not be teaching my daughter, who was named after Amelia Earhart, to sit quietly and be pretty. I flatly refuse to teach her that her beauty is her worth.

I believe girls deserve better. I believe we need to change the way we think about our girls. I think girls should be allowed to dream in every color. I think girls should have the freedom to imagine growing up to be a doctor, a race car driver, a pilot, or an astronaut. Or a pirate or knight or dinosaur tamer. Today’s girls are being raised by a generation of women that is the most well educated, most well traveled, most liberated

to ever have walked the earth. But you wouldn’t know it after an afternoon of shopping. Today’s girls are being raised by a generation of men who are hands-on and emotionally intelligent and who now more than ever understand the special role of being a father to a girl.

I raise my girl to be smart, daring, and adventurous. I don’t think those things belong on the “boy side” of the aisle. I simply think they belong right in the middle of childhood.

Monday Memories: Guest Post from My Mom

Good Monday morning everyone! Hope everyone's week is off to a great start. Today I am honored to have my mom (@jmstaylor) guest posting once again. I asked my mom and dad to both write about their dads for posts here on the blog. Check out the post from my dad (@jricktaylor) "The King of Smiles" about his dad. I am always honored to have my parents involved on the blog and always enjoy reading the stories they tell.

Today my mom shares with us some memories of her dad. "Granddaddy" as my sister and I called him was a wonderful man, great dad, and awesome Granddad. Beloved husband and family man. We miss him very much, but in some ways, he lives on. Now, my mom, in her own words.

The King of Smiles: In Honor of James "Bo Peep" Taylor

 Today we honor the memory, the spirit, and the life of my grandfather, James "Bo Peep" Taylor. Papa was always a kind man and an understanding man. With a passion for life, and a love for his family, he continues to be an inspiration to the Taylor family. The following post was written by my dad, in honor of his dad, on what would have been Papa's 77th birthday today. We love you Papa! 

There is a lot of ways you could describe my dad. 

He was a football star, an All-State center, co-captain of two state championship football teams, a member of the Lexington Athletic Hall of Fame. Only 150 pounds, but "Bo Peep" Taylor was known as a fierce competitor.

He was a world traveler, visiting around the world, from Europe to Asia, for work and pleasure. Dad's one regret in his travels was that he never made it to China. He loved taking photographs and finding the beauty of the natural world. He would stop his car in the middle of anywhere to take a picture of the local wildlife.

But that's not how people remember my father. They remember his smile.

He had to have been born smiling. I've never seen a picture where he wasn't smiling. He walked into a room smiling, he left it smiling, and in between he made you smile and laugh. If airlines offered Frequent Flyer Smile programs, Dad would have been triple-platinum. Dad was the best guest at a party, and the host who made you feel happy that you came.  
He had a positive attitude coupled with a wonderful sense of humor.  
He made friends with all types of people.


We all inherited things from Dad - dark hair, a love of sports, and appreciation of humor. Taylor family time is a time of jokes, stories, and much laughter. It is his greatest legacy.

So today, on what would have been his 77th birthday, honor my father. Smile. Laugh. Greet people warmly. Enjoy your time on earth.

Happy Birthday, Dad. Got a great Clemson joke for you next time we meet.


Rick

I Am That Dad: Guest Post and Giveaway

Allow me to introduce to you, Gavin, from I Am THAT Dad. Gavin is the creator of I am THAT dad. He has been riding the married wagon for 14 years and is dad to 3 kiddos (2 boys and one girl). I stumbled upon Gavins site one day through Twitter and was immediately captivated by what I was reading. Another dad that gets it! Best summarized by the line "The dad you want to be is the dad your kids need you to be".  I asked Gavin to guest post here about what it means to be "that dad" and what the title calls us to be. So, I would like to stop taking up time, and hand the steering wheel over to Gavin!

Guest Post: Eric (@BetterHusbands) "Being The Best Husband You Can Be"

Men typically have two important roles in their life.  These roles are so intertwined that you can hardly tell where one ends and the other begins.  Also, success in one is largely dependent on success in the other. Of course I am talking about roles of Husband and Father.

Over at my blog, Better Husbands and Fathers, I write about both roles, their relationship to each other, and how to be better at each of them.  So, naturally when John asked me to write on what it means to me to be the “best husband” I can be, I was excited - Here’s my simple answer: Effort.  You see, there is a reason why I didn’t name my blog “Great Husbands and Fathers” or “Perfect Husbands and Fathers.”  This is because the key to being the best husband you can be is in the process of trying to be better, in other words, it’s the mentality of continuous improvement. The word “better” implies a never-ending process, and that’s exactly what it is. If you think you are already the best husband you can be, you need to try harder!

There are, however, some specific things that you can do (or areas where you should focus this effort):

Guest Post by Josh: What being a dad has taught him about himself

Today's guest post is brought to you by Josh (@DadStreet). New to the dad blogging world, and 

a super swell guy. I asked him to write a guest post for me about what being a dad has taught him about himself. So without further delay, Josh, in his own words. 

So a few days ago I get a message from John asking me to write a guest post on his blog.  To me this is a huge honor for anyone.  His blog is about something special; it's about being a dad.  A blog is your home, a place where you can post whatever you want, whenever you want.  So when John asked me to come into his house and hang my hat it meant a lot to me.  John asked me to write about what being a dad has taught me about myself.  No easy question to answer and I've had to give it some thought...

First, let me quickly introduce myself.  My name is Josh, I recently started a Daddy Blog over at www.DadStreet.com.  I’m married to a beautiful woman who made me chase her for 8 years before giving me the honor.  After 4 failed IUI’s, 1 miscarriage, and given less than 10% chance of ever conceiving, I have 2 beautiful, amazing children, Olivia age 2 and Jake 11 months.  I’m a wine loving, gourmet cooking, photo taking, iPhone slinging, extrovert who can be summed up in 3 letters, D-A-D.

Real Talk: Guest Post from Adam (@homebrewdharma)

So I was asked by @DaddyYoEffinRox if I wanted to write a guest post on what I think it means to be “a real man”. Sure, I thought, should be easy enough.  But then so many questions. How to define “a real man”? By who’s standards? What are the implications of such a label? So then I tried to just not think about it for a few days.

I struggled while I attempted to write this. I thought about it probably 30 different ways. I tried to define it by this standard or that standard, but none of that really worked. Should I go from a mid-west perspective? A Buddhist one? How does the media portray “real men”? Generally I don’t give much thought to what constitutes a “real” version of anything (I recently blogged about my distaste for those that claim to have the “true” version of their religion) but considering what the media and society at large has to say about this particular subject, I think I owe it to my fellow men to give it a shot, even if I’m wrong. And in the theme of this blog (and my own experience), I think I’ll try and frame the idea of a “real man” into the role of fatherhood.

I had about 1000 words written about my father and grandfather, and how they gave me solid examples of what a “real man” is/should be. Things like fixing your own car, doing things right the first time (half-assed anything was grounds for punishment growing up) putting your family first, having confidence and instilling that confidence in those around you. But then I started to have some real reservations about my childhood models for manhood.

One thing I never learned as a youth was what a man was supposed to be, only what a man was supposed to do. The men in my life rarely told me how to be, rather they just taught me what to do and what not to do. A man was supposed to work his ass off, hunt, play/watch football, work on cars, roof his friend’s house, build decks, mow the lawn, work his ass off, drink beer, wear Wranglers, buy American, work his ass off, and grill in the summertime.  Well, at least those were the most readily available (although a bit exaggerated) examples. But true to the old adage “do as I say, not as I do”, our Fathers all told us “dear god, don’t do what we do! Go to school so you never have to live like this!” So I was immersed in one reality and told to live another that was completely foreign to me, because the ideals that I embraced weren’t really ideals to be embraced even though it seemed as if they should be.

Has every generation experienced this? I know that parents generally try to elevate their children’s station in life above their own. But has society progressed so much that this becomes unrealistic? Is there now too much of a gap to be bridged? Maybe this is why my generation has such a hard time coping with “manhood” and parenting and adulthood. Our whole life we lived in one world, and were told to dream and strive for another with no idea of how that ideal actually works; no idea how to put it into practice. So we struggle. I struggle. I struggle with how to live and raise my children in the utopia my Father hoped to create for me, while at the same time I reach back for those qualities I admired about the “real men” of my youth.

Maybe what was lacking was the spiritual side of manhood, of fatherhood. Maybe when our grandfathers came back from WW2, they had no sprit left to give their sons. So manhood became something that was altogether mechanical, and was out of balance. Our fathers then pursued this mechanized lifestyle which fulfilled the mundane aspects of their lives, but left little room for them in the realm of that which is ethereal. For a few years, my dad raised me all by himself, and I now wonder if he struggled with this on some subconscious level. I wonder how detached my grandfather was. I wonder how my Father’s generation prepared for Fatherhood, if at all?

I’m starting to feel that what I’ve been searching for in my adulthood/fatherhood experience is the point at which I can touch what it is I’ve been attempting to define here. Is that why I feel like my generation is so… lost? Because we fail in our attempt to reach that point of contact? I wonder if we know we’re even supposed to be searching for it. Rather than attempt live up to the ideal of a “real man” (however you may choose to define it), I feel like most of the time we just get through the day without much attention to our intentions and motivations, mostly just stumbling.

So what is a real man here, now, in 2010? I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to pin that down. I’m still unsure of how to bethat living example of what it is I want my son to strive towards. At times I feel like I’ll never be half the man my father was, and other times I think that might be a good thing.

Or maybe the entire narrative of a “real man” is a false one; a narrative that exists only in fairy tales and Lifetime original movies. And if so, it might be a harmful one. Look at the false narrative that women have to live up to: the wafer-thin models that grace the covers of tabloid magazines put up like billboards advertising that this, yes this is what beauty is. Do we need this kind of stress in our lives? Do I need a constant reminder of how I’m failing to be a “real man”, especially since I can’t even seem to define what that is? We’ll never live up to the Bill Brasky-esque stories we hear around the proverbial water cooler. And we shouldn’t need to try.

 It might just be that what makes a “real man” isn’t any set-in-stone list of qualities. I don’t think it really can be. I do my best to avoid absolutes, and this certainly doesn’t seem like the moment to embrace one. I’m wondering if what makes a man a “real man” is simply in the honest effort that he puts into his work, his family, his self, his community. I’m realizing now that my manhood can be found in the moments when I strive to be the example I wish to set for my children and their generation, regardless if I ever get there.

Adam Johnson

http://www.twitter.com/homebrewdharma

http://dharmabrewing.wordpress.com

Cheers.

Guest Post from Kevin Metzger: The DADvocate Project

Hello, I’m Kevin (@TheDADvocate) and I’d
like to start off this post by thanking The DaddyYo Blog for giving me the opportunity to guest post on their site and providing me the opportunity to tell you, the readers about The DADvocate
Project.

The DADvocate project is founded on the belief that as culture, business, and society has
changed so has the approach men are taking towards Fatherhood and family. I believe there
are quite a number of factors that contribute to this change and I wanted to put together a study to find out if my thoughts had any merit. As a result I have put together the largest privately conducted survey of dads ever undertaken. Our goal is to survey 1000 dads and interview 100 of them to get a feel for the modern day dad.

If you are a dad then you'll want to participate by completing the
www.thedadvocateproject.com/survey>survey. You may also want to sign up to be
interviewed. If you do sign up to be interviewed then you'll be entered into a drawing for an
Apple iPad to be held on August 1st. The survey is 60 questions and takes about 20 minutes
to complete but it's for a good cause. I also want to ensure that I will not be using or selling any personal data. All data will be aggregated and personal details will be removed. If you don't care to be interviewed you can also take the survey completely anonymously.

The DADvocate project is starting to gain momentum and you will want to be part. Here are
some quotes from others who have participated in, and/or support the project.

 Drew Bennett (BenSpark)
"Form me there are no TV role models for Dads out there right now. I can’t think of one Dad on
TV or in movies that make me proud. Dad’s in the media are portrayed as morons or people
who avoid time with their family. However, that is not the kind of Dad I am and also it is not the type of Dad that many of my friends are. The DADvocate project is looking to change that."

Chris Singer (SAHD in Lansing)
"Kevin is indeed the full embodiment of a DADvocate. Not only does Kevin advocate on behalf of fathers and positive fatherhood, but also advocates strongly on behalf of one of his daughters, Haley, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. Although Kevin is only doing what any terrific DADvocate would do, I have to say I really admire Kevin and his family for the incredible support and advocacy they show for their
daughter."

Julia Roberts - Sheposts.com
"Kevin Metzger wants to answer a simple question: How are dads involved in their kids’ lives
verses dads of previous generations?"

Robbin Cobb - High Velocity Radio show
"I really loved hearing about what Kevin's doing in the DADvocate project."

Stone Payton - High Velocity Radio Show
"I loved talking about the whole DADvocate thing and in a lot of respects I'm a stay at home
dad. Which is one of the reasons I chose an entrepreneurial path."

Chris Jordan - Comment on a post at MetzgerBusiness.com
"I admire your work with the DADvocate project, and appreciate it more than you know -
especially in the role I play here at home with my daughter. There really is an all new generation of dads out here and I'm glad that you're helping us find our voice. Keep up the great work! If there is anything I can do to help with that project, please don't hesitate to ask for my help."

If you’re a dad join as by taking part in the survey. If you’re not a dad share this with all the dad’s you
know and encourage them to participate.

Real Talk: Being a "Real Man" - Guest Post by @mochadad

Walking through my old neighborhood, I noticed one of my old friends, Vando, walking toward me.
“What’s up, man,” he said as we shook hands. A few years had passed since I had seen Vando, but his weathered face made it seem as if it were decades.
“Nothing much,” I replied. “What’s been up with you?”
“Same ole, same ole,” he said. “Just trying to survive.” I knew all about his means of survival. Petty theft, pimping, and drug trafficking kept his pockets full of cash.

While we reminisced, I learned the fates of some of the neighborhood boys we grew up with. The ones who weren’t dead or in jail were quickly on their way towards one or the other. Only a few of us managed to slip through the cracks.

Since we last saw each other, I had graduated from college, got married, had kids and moved to the burbs. Vando, on the other had lived in the same house and hung out on the same corners that we did as teenagers. As I gazed into Vando’s dark eyes, the world I worked so hard to forget became real to me again, and I began to see traces of my former self in Vando’s weary face.

Before meeting Vando, books were my escape, taking me to places that transcended the poverty, squalor, and despair that surrounded me. Through my books, I could be an astonaut, detective, or brave knight. But the life Vando introduced me to proved to be more alluring than my pristine fantasies. Our escapades were filled with excitement and danger. We mostly engaged in typical juvenille deliquent activities such as shoplifting, vandalizing, or fighting with other boys. But one day, things took a turn for the worse.

Vando and I were loitering on a corner when he noticed a girl walking by. His demeanor turned grim, his body grew tense. Suddenly, he broke a huge branch from a tree, ran to the girl and started beating her. Tears mixed with blood poured from her face as Vando pummelled her – each blow producing a sickening whap against her flesh.
Afraid Vando would kill the girl, I grabbed the branch causing Vando to glare at me with rabid eyes. I was frightened, but I held on refusing to allow him to beat that girl anymore.

“Let’s get outta here,” he said after several minutes. Vando dropped the branch and we ran to his house narrowly escaping some men who were chasing us.

Once we were safely inside, Vando told his grandmother, “If someone knocks on the door, don’t answer it.” The gentle woman nodded quietly and continued watching television as if she had experienced this situation before. Vando and I ran to his bedroom and crouched in the darkness without uttering a word. We sat for about twenty minutes before we were startled by police officers’ banging on the front door.

“Just chill out,” Vando said coolly. “Don’t say nothin’ and they’ll leave.”
After a few minutes, they did leave. When they were gone, I turned to Vando and asked, “What’s wrong with you man? Why’d you beat up that girl?”
“She lied on me. She got what she deserved.”

I wanted to tell Vando that no one deserved such brutal treatment; that he was a cold, heartless animal. However, I said nothing because I didn’t want Vando to think I was soft.
After that night I avoided Vando as much as possible. Whenever he asked me to hang out with him, I always gave him ane excuse. He eventually got the message and left me alone.

With Vando, I was able to tap into the raw masculinity that boys long for. But I was misguided as many young males are. I thought that Vando was teaching me how to to be a man. All he was teaching me was how to be a criminal. That’s why it is so important for fathers to be involved in their sons’ lives. As much as my mother tried to teach me how to be a man, her gender prevented her lessons from sticking. Sons need fathers.

I realize that my sons will most likely encounter Vandos in their lives.  It is up to me to provide them with an authentic version of manhood so they will not be enticed by this pale imitation. I must teach them to balance their need to be rough, rugged and raw, with the ability to be caring and respectful. My example will be their sword and shield in the battle for their hearts and minds.

I think I may be on the right track. The other night, my 5-year-old son, N, said, “My dad is the best man I know.” If he can still say this 20 years from now, then I know that I will have been successful in my role as a father.


--

Mocha Dad
http://www.mochadad.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG: http://www.makingitlastforever.com

Q&A With Edgar - Being a SAHD

Today I continue the series of Q&A post with stay at home parents with Edgar aka @edathomedad. Edgar is a SAHD living with his wife and daughter Elle and two dogs. Ed is a member of the Band of SAHD who can be found every Sunday night at 11pm EST/8pm PST on Blog Talk radio.  Thank you Edgar for sharing with The DaddyYo Blog. And now, here he is, in his own words. 

1) Tell us a little about your family - I live wife my wife, daughter, and two dogs in Lancaster, PA. In July it will be seven years that we have been married. We meet ten years ago when we lived and worked in Washington, D.C.. My daughter is almost three and a half, I'm thirty-one and my wife is slightly younger than me. I'm Puerto Rican and my wife is a lovely Eastern European mix which should lead to some difficulty for our daughter once she has to fill out her own census form. 

2) How was the decision reached that you would be a SAHD? Once our daughter was born I was able to shift my schedule around so I was home with her during the day. I made a job change in June '08 that lasted until October '08 and thats when I became a full-time SAHD. While I was job hunting it made sense that we would take our daughter out of daycare. We were both happy to take her out of daycare. For the small stint she was in daycare we notice regression in her behavior and an increase in doctors visits. As parents my wife felt I had natural ability when it came to being the primary at home parent.  

3) Do you find it harder than you thought it would be?  The actual day to day care was something I could deal with. I think the hardest part was the mental aspect. It can get extremely lonely when you go all day without any adult conversation or contact. Once I reached the year mark I had a tough stretch when I realized what I thought was a temporary situation was becoming more permanent. Much of the feelings I was having were related to not being able to contribute financially to our family. I felt uncomfortable having all the pressure solely on my wife. Also teething, potty training, and toddler defiance were tough. The latter is still tough.

4) Have you ever wished the parental roles were reversed?  Simple answer, no. As parents we each have our sets of strengths. Mine seem to be suited for our current situation. 

5) People approach you and ask what you do, and you say you are a SAHD, what is there initial reaction?  I have had many odd encounters when I have told people I am a stay at home dad. I'll just run down a few. "Oh your daughter should have an interesting perspective on growing up.", "So, your kinda of like a mom.", "That's so progressive of you and your partner.", "Are you in between jobs?", "You must be doing a good job because you have a beautiful and smart daughter." Unfortunately I have run into more negative reactions than I have positive. 

6) What is the single greatest thing about being a SAHD?  Being able to see my daughter grow and develop before my eyes. I have also grown a tremendous amount not just as a SAHD but as a father and husband.

7) Why do you think more dads are choosing to be the at home parent?  I don't know if it so much of a choice in these times. I think there has been a large shift because of circumstances. The one's that have that choice available to them I believe have a easier transition than those that have shifted from employed to stay at home parent. In addition I believe there is a growing desire from fathers to be more involved in the child raising process. Partly based on many in our generation having a father figure the was absent or detached from the family dynamic.

8) Think you would have the same bond with your children if you were working? No. I am truly thankful for the time I am getting to spend with my daughter. I hope when she is older she is able to look at our time together fondly. 

9) Has being the at home parent changed your relationship with your wife? Better? Worse? We have both faced personal challenges in our new roles. But, we have luckily grown stronger. Parenthood has really helped us communicate better with each other. We truly appreciate the time we get to spend together. Also those moments we get time to ourselves as parents is very important to take advantage of it and reconnect as husband and wife. 

10) Finally, give new and expectant fathers a little advice for their new adventure into dadhood ...All the books out there can never take the place of actual experience. You will learn a tremendous amount about yourself once you become a father. No matter how tired or frustrated you may get just take ten seconds and a few breathes. This small time-out can help save sanity and prevent arguments. Take the moments in the first year or so in. Because show much change will come out about. Just pull as much joy as you can out of the insanity.


Ed At Home


@edathomedad

Real Talk: Guest Post by TheJackB

So my friend John asked me to write a post about what it means to be a real man and presto changeo, I have the following thoughts to share with you. But before I begin allow me to share some of the lyrics from the song I am listening to:

Do you really think I care,
What you read or what you wear,
I want you to join together with the band,
There's a million ways to laugh,
And every one's a path,
Come on and join together with the band.

Everybody join together, I want you to join together,
Come on and join together with the band,
We need you to join together, come on and join together,
Come on and join together with the band.

You don't have to play,
You can follow or lead the way,
I want you to join together with the band,
We don't know where we're going,
But the season's right for knowing,
I want you to join together with the band.

It's the singer not the song,
That makes the music move along,
I want you to join together with the band,
This is the biggest band you'll find,
It's as deep as it is wide,
Come on and join together with the band,
Hey hey hey hey hey hey, well everybody come on.

Join Together- The Who

I suppose that I could write it off as a coincidence that this started playing now. Could say that it is just part of the iTunes shuffle but I won’t. I won’t because it is appropriate and pertinent to this discussion.

A real man understands that there is a time and place for being part of a community or an individual. He recognizes that there are moments when he must go off by himself and follow his heart and that some times obligations/responsibilities must come ahead of that.

A real man understands that his role within the family unit is to provide for his family.  What is important to remember is that the most critical thing that a real man can provide for his family is emotional stability and then financial.

Now these are concepts and ideas that are not written in stone and are subjective in nature. But that is ok because when you deal with people and these sorts of things there is no single formula to follow, no one way to do things.

Family life is fluid and dynamic. Things are always changing. Children grow, parents age and relationships build, develop and dissolve. So a real man figures out how to adapt and overcome the challenges that are presented.

A real man accepts responsibility for the good and the bad. You hold yourself accountable because when the lights go out and you are alone with your thoughts it is always clear whether you met or failed to meet the mark you set.

In my mind a real mind is active in the world around him. He gives back to his community and tries to make the world a better place. These are not platitudes or things to be said for the purpose of making one look better.

Of course you could do so. You can always find a way to present a front to others, but you can never truly fool yourself. So when I sit down and think about whether I meet the mark, whether I fit the description of a real man I think…sort of.

Still working, still growing and hopeful that one day I get it right. But that is the good news, the real man always has another day. Another day to try to do it all again, to be better. Because a real man can’t accept just giving up.

Better to fail trying than to not try at all.

By: @TheJackB

Jack Be Nimble

My First Book Review: "Faith of a Child" by Stefan Lanfer

There are a lot of parenting books out there. I mean, TONS of them. From faith based to sheer comical genious, each with its own approach when it comes to handling the ever changing, ever more difficult subject of parenting. There are so many to choose from that just looking at the rows of them in most bookstores is enough to send any new or soon-to-be dad into a black hole of "OH MY GOSH, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!?!"

So what IS a man to do? What's a soon-to-be or brand new dad supposed to do? Most the books are geared towards women, or they are repeats of the other 10,936 books you have already read. Your mind is racing and heart is pounding at this point, grasping for any sense of reality in these books that might just hit that "A-HA" switch to put you at ease. So you ask yourself, "Which one of these books is going to do it for me?"

Motherhood Madness Monday: Guest Post by Cynthia

As we dad's know, and have probably heard a thousand times from our spouses, mom's have a lot more stress from parenthood than we do. If you don't know this yet, then just ask any mom.

Motherhood Madness Monday is for moms to share their thoughts and feelings on certain subjects that relate to momhood. Being a dad, I obviously cannot give these words of wisdom and advice, or share the feelings of being a mom. So once a week I will ask a mom to guest post on a certain topic to give everyone the mom's eye view.

This week I asked Cynthia, 22 year old mother of a 3 year old with one on the way, to share with us her biggest fears and biggest dreams for her children. Thank you so much, Cynthia, for sharing with us.

Balancing Jobs and Kids: Guest Post by my Dad

Growing up, I can remember my dad being gone for days on business trips, being called in at 4am and not coming home for at least 24 hours. Constant phone calls and e-mail checking, late nights and early mornings. But all of that is greatly over powered by the other memories I have of my dad: Punk rock concerts in Charlotte  and Columbia, overnight trip to Charleston; driving lessons (and some scares for him), teaching me how to ride a bike in the high school parking lot. But most of all, that my dad was a provider, and a good one at that. No matter what the job called for, my dad had a higher calling to answer, and that was to be "Dad" and to provide. Thank you dad for everything you did for our family, and thank you for sharing this post.

Quick Q&A with Bruce Sallan

So I had been playing around with a few ideas for the blog, some different things to do other than my normal posts, and decided it would be awesome to do a few Q&A posts with figures in the world of parenting. It was with no question that as I was reading through some of his writings, that Bruce Sallan would be the first person I asked to take part.

Bruce, a former television producer and executive, is now a SAHD with quite a remarkable career going with his column "A Dad's Point of View", other writings carried on several websites, and the launch today of his radio show. He is available for coaching and speaking engagements, as a dad passionate about being a dad and helping others to become the best parents they can be.

Thank you so much for answering Bruce, and we look forward to your radio show live launch today! Now, without anymore waiting: Q&A with Bruce Sallan

Motherhood Madness!!!

Okay, so in trying to branch out and do different things here on the blog and on the Facebook page, I decided that I would start posting periodically and direct it more towards the mom readers of the blog. From time to time I will be asking moms to submit a little something for the blog, based on a certain topic.

You know, when I first found out that my wife was pregnant for the first time, I didn't know what to think. I was overjoyed and extremely excited, yet at the same time I was so afraid and so worried. I had been around kids before, but never had such the responsibility of raising a child. It almost drove me crazy some days thinking about everything from "Will this child love me back?" to "Oh my gosh, what if it poops the black stuff out on the first poopie diaper change and it's my turn to do it?!?" Many things ran through my mind.

Well, turns out dads aren't alone in this by a long shot. Perhaps, even, moms have more and stronger fears and anxieties about it than many dads combines. I asked some mothers to share their biggest fear when first finding out they were going to be a mommy. Here's what a few of them had to say. Thank you ladies for sharing a little bit of the Mommy Madness with us!




LadyLiberal - Biggest fear for me was not bonding w/girl out of fear of losing her. We lost 1st baby 21 weeks into pregnancy. - Life, Liberty, and Vodka Tonics

MamaRocksReno - Definitely the biggest fear I faced was once I got the baby home from the hospital. I had a total irrational fear that someone was just going to come in and say, nope your not qualified we are just going to take her with us now.  It was so surreal to just bring the baby home without a parent handbook stating all the the things we need to do as parents.  Its just such a life changing event and once I became a mom and settled into the roll, my fears were erased and I realized I was MADE FOR THIS!! Being a mom is the single most important thing in my life and nothing I do in my life will have ever been more important than raising my 3 children and making sure they are ready for this ever changing world


Amber - my biggest fear is looseing my children or them getting hurt...


My Mother - What was my biggest concern when I found out I was going to have a baby? It wasn't how to take care of a baby -I had been around babies all my life. I knew how to feed, bathe, and clothe a little one. It wasn't whether I would love a baby enough. I knew our home was filled with love, and each new family addition would only multiply that feeling. No, my concerns were in altogether different areas...

As a Christian Mom, my first priority was to make sure my children would know who God was from an early age, and that they would each see and feel God's love in our home. Was I perfect at it? Not by a long shot! But I did my best to put God in front of them each and every day, and I did (and still do!) spend a lot of time on my knees, asking God to bless them and protect them and draw them close to Him.

Secondly, I wanted to prepare them for the world they would face as they became adults. I wanted my children to find their place in the world, to find a spouse to share their lives with, both joys and fears, happiness and sadness, for better or for worse - well, you get the picture. I wanted for them to find the work God planned for them, knowing they would never be truly happy if they did anything else. I wanted to teach them to look forward, beyond the here-and-now, to how their actions and decisions would affect future generations; to understand that the example they show their children now will likely be the example their grandchildren and great-grandchildren will see.

My children are grown now, with children of their own. I don't know if all my "lessons" got through to them or not - I suspect some did, and others, not so much. But I know that I love them with all my heart, and my grandchildren are the treasures of my heart. I know that I will continue to try to impart these same truths to my grandchildren, and I pray that somehow my family will be better for that, many, many years down the road

@Tilga - When I first saw that positive pregnancy test, I was 20 yrs old and had been married for 3 whole days to a man I'd known all of 6 wks. We'd already been accused of getting married because we were pregnant. That's not why we got married. We were young and stupid and thought love was enough to go ahead with marriage. Well, I was young. He was 27. He was just dumb! I literally freaked out when I saw that BFP (big fat positive)! 

My sister was born when I was just a few months shy of turning 14, so I'd taken care of a baby before. I was comfortable, if not confident, in my abilities as a care giver. That was not my concern.
We'd JUST gotten married and could barely afford to even BE married. And now we were bringing a life into the mix?! My biggest fear at that exact moment was lack of money.  Then, the humility of all those people accusing us of getting married bc of pregnancy and me denying it?! Well, turns out I WAS preg. They'd all think me a liar! Oh... And we lived in a 2-room efficiency apt downtown that we couldn't afford. Where would we put a baby?  And the cocaine and LSD we'd done over the past few weeks, celebrating New Years' and our wedding..?  The list of fears grew and grew.

Dad did a better job of calming me than anyone, reminding me that my sister wasn't expected but was so utterly loved and the joy she'd brought to our lives.. At that point she was only 7 & Mom still had most of her things. So, while we got all non-girly hand-me-downs & were pretty much covered in baby gear, we needed to move.
And the better I got to know my new husband, the more miserable I was. He was a spiteful, emotionally abusive, manipulative man. My monetary concerns were overshadowed by a deep sadness and fears of my mental and physical health and safety & that of my unborn child.

A friend helped me move our stuff to a 2 bedroom apartment. Of course, my husband didn't lift a finger. Not even to pack. This was not how I'd pictured my life would go while expecting my first child.
Things went quickly from bad to worse.  All those Lifetime movies where the woman won't leave or she let's him back in? I lived that. I didn't have black eyes, but bruises that were easily covered by clothing. The joy my baby brought me helped my breaking heart. He even seemed to know in the womb when I was upset. He'd kick more when I was crying than any other time, as if to comfort me. "I'm here, Mommy! I love you!". His kicks and gymnastics in-utero kept me going, kept me strong.

I now know I was deeply depressed during that time. And until he was well into his toddler years.
We went through alot, the two of us. I was able to free myself from his father shortly after his first birthday. The "slim" years began then. Until he was 2, I never knew when I'd get food again and quickly learned I could feed him a Kids' Cuisine microwave meal every day (twice on the weekends) while I survived on free coffee from work, some cigarettes (which were about $1.25/pack back then), and a 12 pk of beer per week (1-2 each night made me forget I was hungry)...  When things were very bad, a friend would show up with arm loads of groceries, out of nowhere.
I don't think he's completely unscathed by the things he saw between me and his father that first year of his life... He's still super protective of me and can't stand for me to be sad or hurt or to not feel well. He will flip out & try to take care of me.

But we are close and had great times playing peek-a-boo and dancing on the coffee table on Saturday nights and taking long walks around the apartment complex at dusk.
My initial fear was money. We didn't have much, but we had each other. And we made it. Whatever your beliefs, I believe God saw to it that we were provided for. Him working in mysterious ways and all.
There is a (mostly) happy ending.  My first-born will be 11 this fall, shortly after I celebrate 5 yrs of marriage to his stepdad, a wonderful (if not slightly obssessed with video games) man. We also have custody of my stepdaughter (she will be 12 at the end of the summer) and we just welcomed his half-brother into this world November 2009.
Our relationship will never be the same as mine with his baby brother or even his stepsister. Not after our journey.

From sitting at that 30 yr old table in our run-down efficiency apartment, wondering how I'll provide for this child, to being a stay-at-home mom to him and 2 others.. We've come a long way, baby.
And while we still have to worry about money, we will never again have to worry about our safety, security, health or welfare.