Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Blog Swap: Please Welcome Heather

Hey everyone! Welcome to The DaddyYo Blog today! Today I am honored to have a great friend of mine participating in a blog swap with me. I am about to jet on over to her blog to hang out for the day, and she has come here! Please welcome Heather to the blog today. Heather is mommy to a precious little boy, Malichia, and devoted wife to Jake, who is in the Army. She blogs about her life as an Army Wife, Toddler Mommy and you can also find her on Twitter.

Okay, I am out for the day. Headed over to Heather’s blog. So stick around and check out this wonderful post from her about the fears of becoming a mom and raising a child while daddy is away on duty. See ya later! Now, Heather in her own words.

Like all mothers when I found out I was pregnant countless thoughts were running through my head. I questioned everything you could think of. What am I going to do? I'm not ready for a child, I'm still a child myself. How do I tell my parents? Will I be a good mother? How will I know what is wrong when the baby cries?

I slowly started learning the answers to the questions the further I was in my pregnancy. As I got use to bring pregnant and read numerous magazines and books about pregnancy, newborns, and motherhood there was one fear that stood in my way: The fear of having my baby alone. I knew Jake (my boyfriend) would never leave me to raise this baby alone, but the fear still stood in my way, because I am an Army wife. I kept asking myself, "why am I scared? He is still here with me and we haven't heard anything about him getting deployed or having to leave. Why am I so scared?" I was never able to answer that question, until after I had Malachia.

I went into labor with my son at 7 months on April 20 2009. I was rushed to a local hospital at 6AM. They gave me multiple shots trying to stop my labor. I was bed ridden and then sent to Johnson City once they realized they were unable to stop my labor. I had him on April 22nd. Then the fear of having my baby alone had faded. Jake was there for the birth of our child. The same day another fear had risen. The fear of having to take care of our baby alone.

Two days after the birth of our baby boy who was in the NICU Jake had to leave us. In the military no matter when your baby was born, what you are doing, or what is going on in your life, when duty calls you are required to go. He had to go to Honduras to build school buildings. He only had to go for two months, so why was I so upset? He would be back. He wasn't going to war, he wasn't leaving for a year or longer. It was two short months. I was okay when he left for Basic Training and AIT. Why was this so nerve racking for me?

I had just had our baby two days before. I was suffering from PPD and he had to leave us. There were several sleepless nights at the Ronald McDonald house, lots of tears shed when I would go to the NICU for hours during the day. I would sit there and watch him sleep and I would cry. Jake and I are suppose to be doing this together. He was fed by a tube for several weeks. When Jake left he was a 2lb baby unable to suck a bottle, when he came back he weighed 5lbs and was sucking a bottle. It broke my heart to know Jake wasn't there with us to watch him mature and grow little by little each day. Sucking a bottle does not seem like a big deal to most, but to our family it meant a lot.

I took pictures and recorded videos or Malachia sucking a bottle for the first time to show Jake when he came back. I even kept the first bottle he drank from as a souvenir for Jake since he was gone. Watching each of the mothers and fathers in the room around me with their babies made me so jealous. I would sit and watch them as they played with their children, loving on them, and from time to time looking at each other with a sparkle in their eyes, smiling and sharing a small kiss. Each day I took pictures of Malachia to show Jake how much he changed over the two months he was gone.

Being an Army wife is hard from time to time but this was by far the hardest thing I have experienced in my life. It doesn't matter if I have one more child or twenty more children these fears will remain.

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