Thursday, January 20, 2011

Thursday Thinking: Finding Solace in Everyday Life

This is a quick post I am writing as I am sitting on the couch with Little Girl before my work week starts at 12. I have been thinking a little about the future, about the now, and of course, about my children. There is so much going on in life right now that sometimes it seems hard to keep focus on just one thing for very long. There's work, there's the wife's school work, and the preparations for me getting ready to go back to school in the fall. There's Little Man going to school and having play dates, and Little Girl who is just... Well... Little Girl, sweet, adorable, sometimes rotten, but always after the spotlight.

Bills have to be paid, diapers bought, gas, food, household supplies, and by the time it is over, so is my paycheck. There is never the time to go out and just be with my wife, or just take a random trip with The Kiddos. We don't have the money to afford for me to take days off from work just to get away, and I feel like work will be the ruin of me before I know it. The hours are long, and the sleep is short. My brain hurts, my feet hurt, my chest hurts, and my heart hurts.

I feel like I cannot be the dad and husband I need to be when I am always gone and always stressed. Some days the only time I hear my children's voice is a quick phone call on my break. That's if they are in a good enough mood to even talk! The only time I see my wife is when I wake her up to tell her I love her and I am leaving. Overwhelming, overworked, over thinking. There is a happy place inside of it all though. A place of peace and solace.

There is peace in knowing that when the dust of life settles, everything we do, is just everything we've done. But we've done it for a reason. I do everything for my wife and for my children. I work through the exhaustion and the anger because it is what I have to do. I slip away to the walk in cooler at work just to look at their picture and remember why it is I am here. I check my inbox frequently to see if there are any "I Love You" texts from my wife. Tantrums can get to my core at home and sometimes I have to just hide out in the bathroom. Maybe just sit there and cover my ears, smoke a cigarette, and compose myself. Still, after the screaming fits and the crying from having a toy taken away, I can smile and find peace in knowing those are the screams of MY children. I am their daddy, and nothing can take that away from me. I am their's and they are mine.

Everyday life can be an everyday struggle on so many levels. We have the ability to press on, search within ourselves, and see what it is we needed to do and why we needed to do it. There is peace in knowing we did our best and did it for a good cause. Solace in simplicity when we lay down to go to sleep and realize we made it through another day. There are blessings in knowing that we woke up again, able to do it all.

**Thanks to Jonathon (@ganglion11) for the inspiration for this post. Finding peace in an unexpected place.**

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