Thursday Thinking: Finding Solace in Everyday Life

This is a quick post I am writing as I am sitting on the couch with Little Girl before my work week starts at 12. I have been thinking a little about the future, about the now, and of course, about my children. There is so much going on in life right now that sometimes it seems hard to keep focus on just one thing for very long. There's work, there's the wife's school work, and the preparations for me getting ready to go back to school in the fall. There's Little Man going to school and having play dates, and Little Girl who is just... Well... Little Girl, sweet, adorable, sometimes rotten, but always after the spotlight.

Bills have to be paid, diapers bought, gas, food, household supplies, and by the time it is over, so is my paycheck. There is never the time to go out and just be with my wife, or just take a random trip with The Kiddos. We don't have the money to afford for me to take days off from work just to get away, and I feel like work will be the ruin of me before I know it. The hours are long, and the sleep is short. My brain hurts, my feet hurt, my chest hurts, and my heart hurts.

I feel like I cannot be the dad and husband I need to be when I am always gone and always stressed. Some days the only time I hear my children's voice is a quick phone call on my break. That's if they are in a good enough mood to even talk! The only time I see my wife is when I wake her up to tell her I love her and I am leaving. Overwhelming, overworked, over thinking. There is a happy place inside of it all though. A place of peace and solace.

There is peace in knowing that when the dust of life settles, everything we do, is just everything we've done. But we've done it for a reason. I do everything for my wife and for my children. I work through the exhaustion and the anger because it is what I have to do. I slip away to the walk in cooler at work just to look at their picture and remember why it is I am here. I check my inbox frequently to see if there are any "I Love You" texts from my wife. Tantrums can get to my core at home and sometimes I have to just hide out in the bathroom. Maybe just sit there and cover my ears, smoke a cigarette, and compose myself. Still, after the screaming fits and the crying from having a toy taken away, I can smile and find peace in knowing those are the screams of MY children. I am their daddy, and nothing can take that away from me. I am their's and they are mine.

Everyday life can be an everyday struggle on so many levels. We have the ability to press on, search within ourselves, and see what it is we needed to do and why we needed to do it. There is peace in knowing we did our best and did it for a good cause. Solace in simplicity when we lay down to go to sleep and realize we made it through another day. There are blessings in knowing that we woke up again, able to do it all.

**Thanks to Jonathon (@ganglion11) for the inspiration for this post. Finding peace in an unexpected place.**

When Words Fail

Words are art. They can be beautiful, elegant, inspiring, and powerful. Words, spoken or written, can be used to lift people up, inspire them to do great things, and change lives forever for the good. To everything though, there is 2 sides. Words can also bring destruction, pain, hurt, anger, and hatred. They can be used to tear down another person, belittle someone else, spread hatred and anger. 

Nobody is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we use words in anger that we would not normally use, and we can cause unintended damage with those words. Words spoken in anger are often spoken without thought of the power or direction of said words. Therein lies the problem: "Spoken without thought of the power or direction".

Be it our spouses, parents, siblings, or our children, words spoken in anger without thought can often be the most damaging. We always want to speak words of truth and speak them in love. Whether it is telling someone we love them, that they have done a great job with something; or on the other side of the spectrum with disciplining our children and confronting problems within the home. Sometimes though, words can fail. After such a time we are left with the bill for the damage they have caused, and it is a tough bill to pay.

My words have failed before. Words spoken in anger and frustration have been my downfall many times in the past. I have hurt people I would never want to hurt. I have brought tears to eyes that should have remained dry, clear, and just as beautiful as they ever were. I have seen the looks on my children's face when Daddy has failed to speak in a loving manner and spoke out of frustration.

The enlightenment of it all comes from knowing how to keep our words from failing. There is truth in knowing the power of the words we speak and that the power has a balance that must be maintained. When words fail, we fail. We not only fail ourselves but we fail those the words took aim at. Words are an art. Words are a power. Words can inspire, and they can destroy. In the words of the great Samuel Clemens: "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

2010 Recap: Thinking Back and Moving On

I originally posted this video some weeks back. I was watching it again this morning and decided to edit a bit and repost for today as I could not have come up with anything better to say about the last year. How do we measure the last year? The last 365 days, 525,600 minutes, have almost completely expired now. Ever since I had kids, I have found that time has just flown by. It didn't take but the blink of an eye for 2010 to ring in and tap out again. Where did it go? What do I treasure? And where do we go from here?

I would also like to thank Andrea Krick for her amazing photographs of the family. We had such a great time and I hope we can do it again!

Blessed

It is late at night and I am still awake. Outside it is snowing, windy, and the cold is just brutal. I am inside, under the covers with the heat on, and posting from my phone.
I have been reviewing the day in my mind. What went wrong, who I was mad at. How was I as a dad today? Was I loving or did I fail to show love? Then I started thinking about how much worse things could be.
How blessed I am for what I have. How blessed I am that despite the bad, the good is prevailing. How foolish I am to have lost sight of all that is good and precious.
Tomorrow as the snow continues and the bitter cold remains, I will hug my children. I will show them my love and what they mean to me. I will kiss my wife and let her know my heart is still hers. I will let my family know that we are strong and we are blessed. I will not let the bad rule my thoughts. I am blessed and tomorrow I will live in the blessings that have been given to me.

Thinking Back and Moving On

I originally posted this some weeks back. I was watching it again this morning and decided to edit a bit and repost for today as I could not have come up with anything better to say about the last year. How do we measure the last year? The last 365 days, 525,600 minutes, have almost completely expired now. Ever since I had kids, I have found that time has just flown by. It didn't take but the blink of an eye for 2010 to ring in and tap out again. Where did it go? What do I treasure? And where do we go from here?

I would also like to thank Andrea Krick for her amazing photographs of the family. We had such a great time and I hope we can do it again!

Gearing Up for the Holidays

Lights are going up all around town. The air is getting colder and the leaves are turning and falling. The smells of winter and the holidays are in the air. What an exciting time of the year. Well, at least for the kids. For parents, this time of year can start to get really frustrating really fast. From finding the perfect gift, to finding any gift at all last minute. Getting the tree up, the cards sent out, the presents wrapped, it can all seem overwhelming sometimes. This year, we started a little early. After seeing lights going up around town, and the excitement in Little Man's eyes, I decided we should go ahead and put the tree up. I didn't think Little Man was going to be able to stay in his skin long enough for me to get it put together and turned on. Little Girl didn't really know what to think, but fed energy off of Little Man's excitement. It was magical to watch them run circles around the living room in anticipation. Stockings were hung up, the advent calendar is out, decorations galore. The house is starting to cheer up with the promise of Christmas.

Now the fun can really begin. Buying presents for the kiddos, for family members, and for friends. Getting vacation plans together to go visit the family in SC for a few days. Finding out what everyone else is getting the kids so we don't have duplicate items, and clearing the toy chest of toys no longer played with. It seems like there is so much to do and so much to plan just for one day of the year. Is it really that important to get so geared up and frustrated for one day out of 365? I guess when it comes to seeing my children so happy then it is. I guess I just don't want them to grow up losing sight of what really matters during the holidays.

Now, I'm not here to preach, or talk about religion. I have my faith, and other people have theirs. Yes, faith and religion do play a big part for me, but I'm talking a little past that. I'm talking about the spirit of giving, of being thankful, of counting blessings and moving past hardships. As they grow up I want them to know that it is just as important (and rewarding) to give back as it is to receive. I want them to understand that this season is not just about eating and getting presents. It is a great time of year to reflect on previous days, count their blessings, and look towards the future as the new year creeps closer.

Gearing up for the holidays an mean a lot of things to a lot of people. It brings joy and happiness. It also brings frustration and stress. No matter what it brings to you, let us not forget what it is like to be a child and bask in the excitement and joy. Also, let us try our best to not get lost in petty dealings during this season. Let's try to live the example to our children of what this season is really about. Let the holidays bring joy and peace. Happiness and comfort. And the promise of the future. I look into my children's eyes and I see the future in them. I see that my children, that all of our children, are the future and our example can change the course of time. For those blessings, I am thankful, and I will continue to look to the future every time I look into their eyes, and I will not lose sight of what really matters.

Here's To Dad: And to the Children Who Makes Us Just That

I believe it was Bob Dylan that wrote "The times, they are a changin" . My little kiddos are growing up so fast now and they are getting so smart. I wake up every morning loving them the same as I did when I first laid eyes on them. Beauty, wonderment, marvelous. They are little gems given to me by God. Blessed I am truly for these two amazing gifts. I stand everyday in awe of them. I learn from them and in turn I learn about myself. I discover more of the expansiveness of love in my life. I learn about who I am by watching them. I see the future in those blue eyes, those adorable smiles and their incredible hearts.

Sometimes I lie awake at night. I think of things of the adult world. I worry about finances and paychecks. Taxes and health. Gas, food, bills, they consume my thoughts. I think of my work schedule and when I will get other things done outside of there. So many things consume me when I hit that point of the day where the adult world must get some attention. I like to spend a lot of time in my kids world when I am home. It helps me understand them. It gives me a new perspective on life and the mental break that all parents need. I am their dad. I am also a playmate. I am here to be whatever they need me to be, whenever they need me to be it. That is my job.

I think about all the bad things that could happen. What they will face in life. I say a prayer, and through it to the side. Because I can see so much more of the good when I look at my children. I can see the joy they bring to the lives of everyone they meet. I see the love they give to everyone, and the love that they receive right back. It is magical. It is breathtaking. It is the essence of life that makes all other things seem so minuscule. I don't know about all of you, but those facts of fatherhood make everything in life seem so tolerable. 

Being a dad is the greatest thing that could have ever happened in my life. Next to my wife of course! I bask in the glory of it. I rejoice in its awesomeness. Quite honsetly, I enjoy every last minute of it every day of my life. A toast: Here's to being a dad. Cheers to the moments that make our lives what they are. Lift your glass to the children of your lives. To their health, to their heart, and to their lives. Here's to them. without them we would be just guys. Here's to them for making us who we are. Here's to dad!