I Don't Predict the Future: I Raise It

When I was in second grade we made a little class yearbook at the end of the school year. We included our favorite TV shows, favorite color, best friends, and what we thought the world would be like in the year 2010.  You see, the little kid voted "Best Talker" of Ms. Bozard's class thought that there would be flying cars, no war and no sickness. This was nearing the end of Desert Storm and at the height of the late 80's crusade against AIDS. That little kid rocking the mullet, color changing space boots, and glasses thought that there would be so many cool things going on that he would explode from awesomeness.

Fast forward to the year in question. That little kid is now me. Bald, sandals, but still with glasses. Some things never change. Come to find out all of these years later that cars still have wheels, wars are still being fought, and people are still suffering and dying from illness. One of two things can now be said in absolute truth: We really need to get on the ball, or, I am no good at predicting the future. I'm going with the latter, how about you?

I don't know what the future holds, and honestly I don't give a lot of thought to it. What I do know is that we as dads can have a direct impact on where the future has the possibility to go. We directly impact the lives of our children on a daily basis. The values we teach them, the examples that we set, and the wealth of knowledge about life we can share all have significant meanings in their lives. People ask me all the time what I think The Kiddos will be like when they get older and are moved out on their own. My answer: I don't know.

I can't predict the future. Obviously my second grade yearbook is proof of that. However, I am helping to steer the direction of the future by raising two children. As a dad, I commit myself to raising my kids to the best of my ability. I promise myself, my children, and God that I will do everything I can to prepare them for the world away from home. I will teach the morals and lessons that may help guide them later on in life.  I can set an example to my son of how a real man acts and treats others. I can show my daughter her true value and self-worth as she enters the years of teenage drama and self-awareness. I don't predict the future, but I do raise it. What are you doing as a dad to raise the future? How are we steering the years to come?

Guest Post from The Dino Man: Paul Stickland

Welcome friends! Hope the weekend is finding you well today!

I am excited to once again introduce you to Paul Stickland. Paul Stickland is the author, illustrator and pop up book designer of many, many children's books and father to Rowan 27, Felix 17, Gus and Kit 15, Arthur 9 and Tabitha 20 months, all of whom had a lot of bedtime stories and some of whom still do! He lives in an rickety tall house in an ancient stone town in deepest Dorset in England and when not drawing dinosaurs and diggers likes to make a lot of noise with his partner Helen in their band. I invited Paul back to The DaddyYo Blog today to talk about his life as an author and dad of six. It has been my pleasure to meet him on Twitter and find out that he authored three of Little Man's favorite dinosaur books. So before I waste any more time, please welcome Paul, in his own words.

The Moral of The Story Part2: Teaching Our Daughters

Welcome back to The Moral of the Story! I am glad you are here to join me for part 2. Today I will be talking about what it means as a dad to be responsible for teaching our daughters morals and ethics as they grow up. In the first post in the series I talked about teaching our sons morals and how strong of an influence a dad can be. From how to treat a lady, to being an all around good guy, our sons will look to us as dads to be setting those examples. Sure they will see other influence around them, but we will remain the main source of learning. 

So what about our daughters? If dads will be the primary source of moral education for our sons doesn't it make sense that moms will be the primary source of moral education for our daughters? Well of course, that would be pretty natural I do believe. However, there is much about the world, about living right that our daughters can learn about from us dads. Let's dive in a little today and discuss. Teaching our Daughters:

Here's To Dad: And to the Children Who Makes Us Just That

I believe it was Bob Dylan that wrote "The times, they are a changin" . My little kiddos are growing up so fast now and they are getting so smart. I wake up every morning loving them the same as I did when I first laid eyes on them. Beauty, wonderment, marvelous. They are little gems given to me by God. Blessed I am truly for these two amazing gifts. I stand everyday in awe of them. I learn from them and in turn I learn about myself. I discover more of the expansiveness of love in my life. I learn about who I am by watching them. I see the future in those blue eyes, those adorable smiles and their incredible hearts.

Sometimes I lie awake at night. I think of things of the adult world. I worry about finances and paychecks. Taxes and health. Gas, food, bills, they consume my thoughts. I think of my work schedule and when I will get other things done outside of there. So many things consume me when I hit that point of the day where the adult world must get some attention. I like to spend a lot of time in my kids world when I am home. It helps me understand them. It gives me a new perspective on life and the mental break that all parents need. I am their dad. I am also a playmate. I am here to be whatever they need me to be, whenever they need me to be it. That is my job.

I think about all the bad things that could happen. What they will face in life. I say a prayer, and through it to the side. Because I can see so much more of the good when I look at my children. I can see the joy they bring to the lives of everyone they meet. I see the love they give to everyone, and the love that they receive right back. It is magical. It is breathtaking. It is the essence of life that makes all other things seem so minuscule. I don't know about all of you, but those facts of fatherhood make everything in life seem so tolerable. 

Being a dad is the greatest thing that could have ever happened in my life. Next to my wife of course! I bask in the glory of it. I rejoice in its awesomeness. Quite honsetly, I enjoy every last minute of it every day of my life. A toast: Here's to being a dad. Cheers to the moments that make our lives what they are. Lift your glass to the children of your lives. To their health, to their heart, and to their lives. Here's to them. without them we would be just guys. Here's to them for making us who we are. Here's to dad!

Male Involvement and The Importance for Young People

Today I am posting something that was sent home to us from Caleb's school this week. A few things about being a strong male role model for young children. As we have seen in the last few weeks, there is a lot going on that is showing that male involvement may in fact be a strong factor in the lives of young children (who knew right?) and after I read this I decided immediately that I wanted to share it with all of you.

This came to us from People Incorporated of Virginia who runs the Head Start and Early Head Start preschool programs in our area. Check out the websites for more info on the wide range of services and programs they have to offer.  We have been blessed to be involved with the Head Start program that Caleb attends. He loves going to school, loves his friends and teachers, and it has been great for him and for us as proud parents of such a growing young man.

Thanks to People Incorporated for sharing the following piece with families involved in your programs. A great read  for all dads who live a life of involvement when it comes to their roles as a parent, and also how to be their to other young children as a role model in their lives as well.  Here is this piece, in its entirety.

Fatherhood Friday: Beards for Breast Cancer Month

Don't forget to check out the website, Beards for Breast Cancer, for more details, photos, and the 411 on Beards for Breast Cancer Month, October 1st - October 31st

The Trust Balance: Introduction to a New Series

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy” - Walter Anderson

Welcome to The Daddy Yo Blog on this fine Monday morning. Today I would like to introduce a new post series I will be writing called "The Trust Balance". Inspired by a book I am currently reading (and will probably review on here later) and a topic that is covered in the book.

Trust is a major issue in so many areas of our lives. From our relationships with our children, to our relationships with our spouses and significant others, to our relationships in our places of business. Trust is a key foundation to how the world turns. We trust that when we go to bed we will wake up the next morning. We trust that the brakes in our cars will work when the pedal is applied. We trust in faith, community, government, and businesses.

Relating trust to parenting: We want our children to grow up to trust in us. To trust that we will always be there, that when there is a problem they can come to us for help and guidance. We want them to trust that we will provide for them and help them achieve their goals We want them to trust our words and our actions. But wait, isn't trust a two way street? Answer: YES!!! Just as we want our children to trust us, we have to be willing to invest trust in our children.

We want to raise our children to some kind of standard. Those standards differ from family to family but the principle is the same. The true test of how we are doing will come when we put our trust into our children that they will live their lives with integrity, honesty, and openness. We want our children to feel comfortable to come to use with anything, good or bad, and we have to be willing to show them that trust.

"The Trust Balance" will be a multi part series starting a week from today, and continuing every Monday. Topics will include "A Child's Trust in Parents", "Our Trust in Children", "Trust and Marriage" and "The Grand Scheme". I invite you to be a part of this series as it goes. Check in on Mondays and weigh in your two cents.  I hope for this series to be a conversation starter, so even if you disagree, leave your response, and let's discuss. As always, thanks for stopping by today! I look forward to sharing this series with you and getting the discussion going on such a thick subject!

Monday Madness: Everyone is Running Scared

Try and tell me you didn't freak out something EPIC when you first became a dad. Just go ahead, save the trouble and admit it. We were all scared out our minds! I felt like I had no clue what was really going on, worried (and still do) about not being a good dad, and of course, scared to drop them!

Fear is natural, especially when you are a parent. Falls, scraped knees, slight cough, they all can make us go crazy and we tend to take things a little more stressed than we should. I hear my kids cough, sneeze, wheeze, or scrape  knees, I still get a faster heart rate than 3 cups of coffee. So, thinking about this, I decided to put the call out for other dads to share what they feared. Thanks to all the guys who shared there fears. Mad props!

Introducing: Dads Talking - Because Mommy Lets Daddy Talk Sometimes

It  has been said many times by many people: 2010 is the Year of the Dads! The force of dads in the social media world and the ever changing face of dads the world over has been a powerful force in 2010. We have seen an explosion of dad bloggers, such as myself, media outlets talking about the roles that many dads are taking on in their family life, articles about SAHDs redifining the roles of fatherhood. Dads are everywhere!

There is another aspect of dadhood that is being seen now as well: dads are talking! Dads the country and world over are talking, and doing a lot of it. Talking everything from family values, to their own roles
in their families, to the struggles of mainting a balance between work and dadhood. All over the internet,
dads are banding together to support one another, talk with one another, and an amazing online community of dads is being built. It has truly been an amazing thing to be a part of.

This week, DadsTalking.com was launched by Jim Turner (@Genuine). A site dedicated to all things dad and what dads the world over are talking about. The #DadsTalking hashtag on Twitter has also become a huge community with more and more dads getting in on the discussions and the silliness. Now note: this is Dads TALKING not Dad STALKING haha. The website featured a kick off chat bash on saturday with 101 dads total joining in over a 5 hour streaming chat! That's AMAZING!!!

Dads Talking is much more than a web site though, it is quickly becoming a huge movement and will take you by storm! Check out the web site, check out the hashtag on twitter #DadsTalking , and join the
movement of dads who are becoming active in their children's lives and aren't afraid to say so!

On the web;

http://www.dadstalking.com

http://www.twitter.com/DadsTalking

http://www.twitter.com/Genuine

Use TweetChat.com and check out the hashtag #DadsTalking

You can also check out what dads are saying on the #DadsTalking hashtag right here from the blog and on the DadsTalking.com website!

My Five F's of Fatherhood - Post Revived

This is a post from my very first blog "Hell Hath No Fury like Half a Stale Cheesy". . As I have been thinking about my own dadhood recently and the upcoming Fatherhood Friday, I thought I would revive this post and put it back out there, because it sums up exactly what I have been thinking of my life recently. Enjoy!




So as the week ends and the weekend is getting ready to be in full swing, I thought I would take today to write a post about the letter of the day: the letter "F". It's Friday. On Twitter it is FollowFriday and to dads everywhere and over at Dad-Blogs.com it is Fatherhood Friday. So what better letter to write about today than the letter "F". So without further delay I present you with DaddyYo's "Five F's of Fatherhood"

Guest Post by Josh: What being a dad has taught him about himself

Today's guest post is brought to you by Josh (@DadStreet). New to the dad blogging world, and 

a super swell guy. I asked him to write a guest post for me about what being a dad has taught him about himself. So without further delay, Josh, in his own words. 

So a few days ago I get a message from John asking me to write a guest post on his blog.  To me this is a huge honor for anyone.  His blog is about something special; it's about being a dad.  A blog is your home, a place where you can post whatever you want, whenever you want.  So when John asked me to come into his house and hang my hat it meant a lot to me.  John asked me to write about what being a dad has taught me about myself.  No easy question to answer and I've had to give it some thought...

First, let me quickly introduce myself.  My name is Josh, I recently started a Daddy Blog over at www.DadStreet.com.  I’m married to a beautiful woman who made me chase her for 8 years before giving me the honor.  After 4 failed IUI’s, 1 miscarriage, and given less than 10% chance of ever conceiving, I have 2 beautiful, amazing children, Olivia age 2 and Jake 11 months.  I’m a wine loving, gourmet cooking, photo taking, iPhone slinging, extrovert who can be summed up in 3 letters, D-A-D.

Showing Some Love: For Aaron and MJ

It has always been a pleasure to meet so many great people through Twitter and the blogosphere and to connect with so many caring and supportive people. It is great to see everyone come together for different causes and what they believe in.

Today, we come together to offer our support and love to Aaron (@DaddyFiles) and his wife MJ. For those of you not familiar with the story, with MJ 16 weeks pregnant, they  faced  the most difficult decision that no parents should ever have to face, through their love for each other and unshakable strength, they made the hardest decision they will probably ever face. The  child was found to have Serinnmelia (Mermaid Syndrome) and other medical issues. You can read more about it on Aaron's blog and I suggest everyone reading this do so.

As I was saying earlier, it is awesome to know such caring and supportive people like the one's I have had the pleasure to meet recently. So, to Aaron and MJ, we all care. We all love you, and you are in our thoughts and prayers. God never puts more on us than what he thinks we can handle, and you two are wonderful examples of strength in love and that strength is something I really admire in you. I will continue to pray for you and keep you in my thoughts. And know that anything you need, I am here for you. And there are many more people who have a few words of love for you as well! Just read on!

Guest Post from Kevin Metzger: The DADvocate Project

Hello, I’m Kevin (@TheDADvocate) and I’d
like to start off this post by thanking The DaddyYo Blog for giving me the opportunity to guest post on their site and providing me the opportunity to tell you, the readers about The DADvocate
Project.

The DADvocate project is founded on the belief that as culture, business, and society has
changed so has the approach men are taking towards Fatherhood and family. I believe there
are quite a number of factors that contribute to this change and I wanted to put together a study to find out if my thoughts had any merit. As a result I have put together the largest privately conducted survey of dads ever undertaken. Our goal is to survey 1000 dads and interview 100 of them to get a feel for the modern day dad.

If you are a dad then you'll want to participate by completing the
www.thedadvocateproject.com/survey>survey. You may also want to sign up to be
interviewed. If you do sign up to be interviewed then you'll be entered into a drawing for an
Apple iPad to be held on August 1st. The survey is 60 questions and takes about 20 minutes
to complete but it's for a good cause. I also want to ensure that I will not be using or selling any personal data. All data will be aggregated and personal details will be removed. If you don't care to be interviewed you can also take the survey completely anonymously.

The DADvocate project is starting to gain momentum and you will want to be part. Here are
some quotes from others who have participated in, and/or support the project.

 Drew Bennett (BenSpark)
"Form me there are no TV role models for Dads out there right now. I can’t think of one Dad on
TV or in movies that make me proud. Dad’s in the media are portrayed as morons or people
who avoid time with their family. However, that is not the kind of Dad I am and also it is not the type of Dad that many of my friends are. The DADvocate project is looking to change that."

Chris Singer (SAHD in Lansing)
"Kevin is indeed the full embodiment of a DADvocate. Not only does Kevin advocate on behalf of fathers and positive fatherhood, but also advocates strongly on behalf of one of his daughters, Haley, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. Although Kevin is only doing what any terrific DADvocate would do, I have to say I really admire Kevin and his family for the incredible support and advocacy they show for their
daughter."

Julia Roberts - Sheposts.com
"Kevin Metzger wants to answer a simple question: How are dads involved in their kids’ lives
verses dads of previous generations?"

Robbin Cobb - High Velocity Radio show
"I really loved hearing about what Kevin's doing in the DADvocate project."

Stone Payton - High Velocity Radio Show
"I loved talking about the whole DADvocate thing and in a lot of respects I'm a stay at home
dad. Which is one of the reasons I chose an entrepreneurial path."

Chris Jordan - Comment on a post at MetzgerBusiness.com
"I admire your work with the DADvocate project, and appreciate it more than you know -
especially in the role I play here at home with my daughter. There really is an all new generation of dads out here and I'm glad that you're helping us find our voice. Keep up the great work! If there is anything I can do to help with that project, please don't hesitate to ask for my help."

If you’re a dad join as by taking part in the survey. If you’re not a dad share this with all the dad’s you
know and encourage them to participate.

Real Talk: Balance of being Hubby and Daddy

As dads, we are always struggling with how to be the best daddy we can be and the best men we can be. In the "Real Talk" series, we have talked about what it means to be a "real man" in different areas of our lives. Being a dad, being a husband, having courage, and making changes.

Then yesterday, my mom put the seed in my brain in raising this issue: To be the best dads you can be, you also must be the best husband-partner you can be. Powerful thought! There is a balance in our lives between being the best dad and being the best partner for our spouses. Both of which are very important in having a healthy relationship with our families, and for helping us become "real men".

 Obviously, in some situations, it is not always possible for both parents to be at home, and I understand and acknowledge that completely. Choices that other's make are their choices and I am not here in any manner to step on peoples toes or to judge. However, I cannot write this post from that perspective not being in that type of situation myself. And I will not pretend to know about anything I don't know. This post deals with those of us who are married or have a partner at home. That being said, let's move on, shall we?

Kicking Bugs and Taking Naps: My Son and Me

Let me start off by saying this: MY SON IS CRAZY!!! Haha ... no really, my son has such a vibrant imagination, and is so hyper all the time, you can't hlp but to laugh and love him. He plays without pausing and can create such wonderful, imaginary worlds to play in, that sometimes i wish I could invent a virtual reality room to bring these worlds to life.

Now don't get me wrong, all that cuteness, all the adorable "catch phrases" he has, and all the charm, cannot keep him from blowing mommy and daddy's tops with his tantrums, non-compliancy, and lack of listening when we are telling him what he can and can't do. But then again, boys will be boys, 3 year olds will be 3 year olds, and I am sure my mother would tell you that I have no room to be talking because I was the same way at that age.

So, why did I decide to write this post about him? Well duh, it's because I love the little booger. It is much easier, being at the age he is and developing the way he is, to interact with him more and become a part of those worlds. Where my daughter is just 13 months, she hasn't developed all these characteristics, although she is coming into her own more and more each day now. My son and I have such a different relationship because of the way we interact. Me and my son, my son and me.

Sure, I praise him when he does the right thing or reaches a new milestone, and I lay down "daddy law" when the roughneck side of him shows. I can feed him, bathe him, and maintain his general upkeep, and all the parts of parenting that come with, well, being a parent. But a large part of our relationship is revolved around me being a "playmate" for him. Me and my son, my son and me.

We don't know many people with children his age around here, being that my wife and I are a few years younger than most the parents of children his age and we don't have much of a social life outside of people I work with and our neighbors. And all that is okay by me. I am quite happy spending more time with my family than we do going out to parties and date nights or what have you. So as my son's mental awareness and the ability to imagine and really bring those dreams and childhood thoughts of his to life, I was here for it all. Me and my son, my son and me.

Him and I have spent many a countless hour sitting on the couch, watching the "ree rees" (what he called dinosaurs when younger) and "Back Room, Outta Range" (Veggie Tales: The Pirates who don't do Anything from Big Idea Productions). We have searched for a lost egg, run from "boogies" and raced around the world, all in the comfort of our home. We have killed imaginary bugs and spiders to fill an imaginary 42' tractor trailer and talked to everyone on the face of the planet with children's play phones. Me and my son, my son and me.

Me and my son, my son and me. Kicking bugs, and taking naps. Shooting the breeze, and giving daps.  I wouldn't change it for the world. My son is one of my best friends. And that is perfectly cool. What dad doesn't want to be their son's best friend? I know that in a few years, especially when he starts school, the relationship will change. I will no longer be his favorite playmate, or the first friend he tells a secret to. But I will always be dad. I will always be here, when he is in need of a friend, or a closer shoulder to cry on. And if he ever needs a playmate from me, I will always be ready to let my imagination run free with his. Me and my son, my son and me.

Letter to my Dad: Happy Father's Day

To My Dad on Father's Day:



27 years ago, you witnessed the birth of a son. A son, whom 27 years later, still looks up to you, still believes in you, and still is grateful for having you in his life. I could not have asked for a better dad. You have been by my side through greatness and in my lowest of times.

You have been my advisor and guide; a source of strentgh and courage. Firm, but fair, and the expample of a real man in my life. You showed me what it means to put family first and to not be afraid to step out of my comfort zone to do what it takes to support my family now. You have loved me without end, and without limitation. You have loved me with a real love that has resonated in my heart for 27 years.

This Father's Day I not only celebrate my own dadhood and being a father to my two wonderful children, but I give much thanks and praise for the dad in my life, without whom I would not be who I am today.

I thank you for always being there for me, even when I gave reason not to be. I praise you for your commitment to your faith, your God, and your calling for your family. I give thanks that I had a dad in my life like you, who did what it took to raise his two children to the best of his ability, never lost hope, and never gave up. Thank you for who you are, and all you mean to me and our family.

I love you,
The Nimrod

Real Talk: Being a "Real Man" - Guest Post by @mochadad

Walking through my old neighborhood, I noticed one of my old friends, Vando, walking toward me.
“What’s up, man,” he said as we shook hands. A few years had passed since I had seen Vando, but his weathered face made it seem as if it were decades.
“Nothing much,” I replied. “What’s been up with you?”
“Same ole, same ole,” he said. “Just trying to survive.” I knew all about his means of survival. Petty theft, pimping, and drug trafficking kept his pockets full of cash.

While we reminisced, I learned the fates of some of the neighborhood boys we grew up with. The ones who weren’t dead or in jail were quickly on their way towards one or the other. Only a few of us managed to slip through the cracks.

Since we last saw each other, I had graduated from college, got married, had kids and moved to the burbs. Vando, on the other had lived in the same house and hung out on the same corners that we did as teenagers. As I gazed into Vando’s dark eyes, the world I worked so hard to forget became real to me again, and I began to see traces of my former self in Vando’s weary face.

Before meeting Vando, books were my escape, taking me to places that transcended the poverty, squalor, and despair that surrounded me. Through my books, I could be an astonaut, detective, or brave knight. But the life Vando introduced me to proved to be more alluring than my pristine fantasies. Our escapades were filled with excitement and danger. We mostly engaged in typical juvenille deliquent activities such as shoplifting, vandalizing, or fighting with other boys. But one day, things took a turn for the worse.

Vando and I were loitering on a corner when he noticed a girl walking by. His demeanor turned grim, his body grew tense. Suddenly, he broke a huge branch from a tree, ran to the girl and started beating her. Tears mixed with blood poured from her face as Vando pummelled her – each blow producing a sickening whap against her flesh.
Afraid Vando would kill the girl, I grabbed the branch causing Vando to glare at me with rabid eyes. I was frightened, but I held on refusing to allow him to beat that girl anymore.

“Let’s get outta here,” he said after several minutes. Vando dropped the branch and we ran to his house narrowly escaping some men who were chasing us.

Once we were safely inside, Vando told his grandmother, “If someone knocks on the door, don’t answer it.” The gentle woman nodded quietly and continued watching television as if she had experienced this situation before. Vando and I ran to his bedroom and crouched in the darkness without uttering a word. We sat for about twenty minutes before we were startled by police officers’ banging on the front door.

“Just chill out,” Vando said coolly. “Don’t say nothin’ and they’ll leave.”
After a few minutes, they did leave. When they were gone, I turned to Vando and asked, “What’s wrong with you man? Why’d you beat up that girl?”
“She lied on me. She got what she deserved.”

I wanted to tell Vando that no one deserved such brutal treatment; that he was a cold, heartless animal. However, I said nothing because I didn’t want Vando to think I was soft.
After that night I avoided Vando as much as possible. Whenever he asked me to hang out with him, I always gave him ane excuse. He eventually got the message and left me alone.

With Vando, I was able to tap into the raw masculinity that boys long for. But I was misguided as many young males are. I thought that Vando was teaching me how to to be a man. All he was teaching me was how to be a criminal. That’s why it is so important for fathers to be involved in their sons’ lives. As much as my mother tried to teach me how to be a man, her gender prevented her lessons from sticking. Sons need fathers.

I realize that my sons will most likely encounter Vandos in their lives.  It is up to me to provide them with an authentic version of manhood so they will not be enticed by this pale imitation. I must teach them to balance their need to be rough, rugged and raw, with the ability to be caring and respectful. My example will be their sword and shield in the battle for their hearts and minds.

I think I may be on the right track. The other night, my 5-year-old son, N, said, “My dad is the best man I know.” If he can still say this 20 years from now, then I know that I will have been successful in my role as a father.


--

Mocha Dad
http://www.mochadad.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG: http://www.makingitlastforever.com

Q&A With Edgar - Being a SAHD

Today I continue the series of Q&A post with stay at home parents with Edgar aka @edathomedad. Edgar is a SAHD living with his wife and daughter Elle and two dogs. Ed is a member of the Band of SAHD who can be found every Sunday night at 11pm EST/8pm PST on Blog Talk radio.  Thank you Edgar for sharing with The DaddyYo Blog. And now, here he is, in his own words. 

1) Tell us a little about your family - I live wife my wife, daughter, and two dogs in Lancaster, PA. In July it will be seven years that we have been married. We meet ten years ago when we lived and worked in Washington, D.C.. My daughter is almost three and a half, I'm thirty-one and my wife is slightly younger than me. I'm Puerto Rican and my wife is a lovely Eastern European mix which should lead to some difficulty for our daughter once she has to fill out her own census form. 

2) How was the decision reached that you would be a SAHD? Once our daughter was born I was able to shift my schedule around so I was home with her during the day. I made a job change in June '08 that lasted until October '08 and thats when I became a full-time SAHD. While I was job hunting it made sense that we would take our daughter out of daycare. We were both happy to take her out of daycare. For the small stint she was in daycare we notice regression in her behavior and an increase in doctors visits. As parents my wife felt I had natural ability when it came to being the primary at home parent.  

3) Do you find it harder than you thought it would be?  The actual day to day care was something I could deal with. I think the hardest part was the mental aspect. It can get extremely lonely when you go all day without any adult conversation or contact. Once I reached the year mark I had a tough stretch when I realized what I thought was a temporary situation was becoming more permanent. Much of the feelings I was having were related to not being able to contribute financially to our family. I felt uncomfortable having all the pressure solely on my wife. Also teething, potty training, and toddler defiance were tough. The latter is still tough.

4) Have you ever wished the parental roles were reversed?  Simple answer, no. As parents we each have our sets of strengths. Mine seem to be suited for our current situation. 

5) People approach you and ask what you do, and you say you are a SAHD, what is there initial reaction?  I have had many odd encounters when I have told people I am a stay at home dad. I'll just run down a few. "Oh your daughter should have an interesting perspective on growing up.", "So, your kinda of like a mom.", "That's so progressive of you and your partner.", "Are you in between jobs?", "You must be doing a good job because you have a beautiful and smart daughter." Unfortunately I have run into more negative reactions than I have positive. 

6) What is the single greatest thing about being a SAHD?  Being able to see my daughter grow and develop before my eyes. I have also grown a tremendous amount not just as a SAHD but as a father and husband.

7) Why do you think more dads are choosing to be the at home parent?  I don't know if it so much of a choice in these times. I think there has been a large shift because of circumstances. The one's that have that choice available to them I believe have a easier transition than those that have shifted from employed to stay at home parent. In addition I believe there is a growing desire from fathers to be more involved in the child raising process. Partly based on many in our generation having a father figure the was absent or detached from the family dynamic.

8) Think you would have the same bond with your children if you were working? No. I am truly thankful for the time I am getting to spend with my daughter. I hope when she is older she is able to look at our time together fondly. 

9) Has being the at home parent changed your relationship with your wife? Better? Worse? We have both faced personal challenges in our new roles. But, we have luckily grown stronger. Parenthood has really helped us communicate better with each other. We truly appreciate the time we get to spend together. Also those moments we get time to ourselves as parents is very important to take advantage of it and reconnect as husband and wife. 

10) Finally, give new and expectant fathers a little advice for their new adventure into dadhood ...All the books out there can never take the place of actual experience. You will learn a tremendous amount about yourself once you become a father. No matter how tired or frustrated you may get just take ten seconds and a few breathes. This small time-out can help save sanity and prevent arguments. Take the moments in the first year or so in. Because show much change will come out about. Just pull as much joy as you can out of the insanity.


Ed At Home


@edathomedad

Real Talk: Being Real as a Dad

Continuing in the series "Real Talk" I figured it would only be right when it came to hitting on certain areas of life that I would talk about being real when it comes to being a dad. I guess a lot of people would say that if you are a "real man" as defined by the posts in this series then being a dad would just coem as part of that. However, I do not see this as being entirely true.

To be able to be real in life, I must be real in all areas of my life. I am a dad above all else. My children come first for everything in my life (followed very very VERY closely by my wife). Therefore, it seems logical to have a very stronger will to be real as a dad, above other areas. What does this mean exactly?

My calling, as a dad, is to protect, provide for, and teach my children, to do it to the best of my ability, and to prepare them for the life that lies ahead of them. This also calls for me to be real with myself and with my children at all times. I am here to tell you it's not possible. There are times when my actions or my reactions to situations are out of line, and need a realignment. There are times when my judgement does not reflect the best of my abilities.

This area is under constant construction. Never could I know all the answers all the time all the right times. I want what's best for my children (who doesn't, right?). Eventually they will grow up and one day look back on how they were raised when questioning their own parental abilities. What I do now, will be a reflection of who I am now, to who they are then. Right? My oldest is at the age where imitation is the key to learning how to act, react, and what to say and when. Too many words of anger heard, too many words of anger spoken. Words of love, honesty, firmness, and compassion foster a caring, proper, and honest understanding of life and the cause and effect of actions.

I want my children to know that their father loves them, even when anger is about to boil over, and to be able to recognize that anger, before it boils. I want to be able to speak nothing but honesty and compassion with them, so they may grow up to be kind and understanding. I want my life to be something they can measure me by, and be admired by.

Perhaps they won't grow up the way I want them to. In fact, I can promise they won't. But one thing that can remain a constant through the times we will share together, is that I tried to be real with them and in my raising of them. I promise them to try, to try to be real, to try to be honest, and loving and compassionate, to raise them with the best of my abilities, and to raise them the way being a "real dad" calls me to be.

Real Talk: Guest Post by TheJackB

So my friend John asked me to write a post about what it means to be a real man and presto changeo, I have the following thoughts to share with you. But before I begin allow me to share some of the lyrics from the song I am listening to:

Do you really think I care,
What you read or what you wear,
I want you to join together with the band,
There's a million ways to laugh,
And every one's a path,
Come on and join together with the band.

Everybody join together, I want you to join together,
Come on and join together with the band,
We need you to join together, come on and join together,
Come on and join together with the band.

You don't have to play,
You can follow or lead the way,
I want you to join together with the band,
We don't know where we're going,
But the season's right for knowing,
I want you to join together with the band.

It's the singer not the song,
That makes the music move along,
I want you to join together with the band,
This is the biggest band you'll find,
It's as deep as it is wide,
Come on and join together with the band,
Hey hey hey hey hey hey, well everybody come on.

Join Together- The Who

I suppose that I could write it off as a coincidence that this started playing now. Could say that it is just part of the iTunes shuffle but I won’t. I won’t because it is appropriate and pertinent to this discussion.

A real man understands that there is a time and place for being part of a community or an individual. He recognizes that there are moments when he must go off by himself and follow his heart and that some times obligations/responsibilities must come ahead of that.

A real man understands that his role within the family unit is to provide for his family.  What is important to remember is that the most critical thing that a real man can provide for his family is emotional stability and then financial.

Now these are concepts and ideas that are not written in stone and are subjective in nature. But that is ok because when you deal with people and these sorts of things there is no single formula to follow, no one way to do things.

Family life is fluid and dynamic. Things are always changing. Children grow, parents age and relationships build, develop and dissolve. So a real man figures out how to adapt and overcome the challenges that are presented.

A real man accepts responsibility for the good and the bad. You hold yourself accountable because when the lights go out and you are alone with your thoughts it is always clear whether you met or failed to meet the mark you set.

In my mind a real mind is active in the world around him. He gives back to his community and tries to make the world a better place. These are not platitudes or things to be said for the purpose of making one look better.

Of course you could do so. You can always find a way to present a front to others, but you can never truly fool yourself. So when I sit down and think about whether I meet the mark, whether I fit the description of a real man I think…sort of.

Still working, still growing and hopeful that one day I get it right. But that is the good news, the real man always has another day. Another day to try to do it all again, to be better. Because a real man can’t accept just giving up.

Better to fail trying than to not try at all.

By: @TheJackB

Jack Be Nimble