Monday, September 6, 2010

Selflessness is not Natural

Let me open this post with a little history behind it's origin. It is Sunday night, I just got off from work and settled in for the night. The Wifey is working on learning definitions for her medical terminology class, the kiddos are in bed, and I am  at the computer, on Twitter, sitting here trying to write a post for Monday. Enter the brain fart. I sit here, and sit here, and sit here ...  bueller ....... bueller .............. bueller ... You get the picture. I cannot get anything to flow from my brain, to my fingers, to the keys on my laptop. Nothing!

So I throw out into the Twitterverse: "Quick, throw some words at me to write a short post about for tomorrow ... ready .... GO!". Now enter: Renee (@theblondeview)*  with the answer to my call for desperate inspiration. One word stuck out at me immediately: SELFLESSNESS ... It is a subject that I have been struggling with recently and trying to grasp a better concept of. 

The Wifey just started classes this fall. The study load is pretty heavy and the subjects are getting tougher. The study time required plus the time required to get all the other chores to be done makes for a demanding schedule. The SAHM of our two little kiddos and full time student stays busy, tired, and in need of my support (and sometimes a study buddy). My work schedule bounces between morning shift and night shift and makes a grand challenge for steady sleep habits that even Hercules can't beat. I try to take more of the parental obligations off of her the times that I am home, though I admit I struggle with it at times. 

Just this morning, I was thinking about my attitudes and the amount of heart I am putting behind the support I give to my wife. Am I doing it because I want to? Or because I HAVE to? Am I offering it with all my heart, or am I using some kind of hidden agenda? With all that we have going on right now, am I giving my whole heart into everything I do especially, when it comes to my wife and my children?

Selflessness is not natural. It is not a trait that we are born into that just pours out. Selflessness takes work, conditioning of the heart, the mind, and the soul. It is a trait I strive for. A trait, I admit, I do not always have, and probably should have more often. My wife is doing something amazing! She has taken the challenge upon herself, to go back to school, get a degree, and a great job, all to help benefit the well being of our family. I do support her, I am behind her, and wish her the best of luck and success with this new adventure of life. I know it has to be hard for her to balance studying, dishes, laundry, bedtime, bath time, naptime, off to school, home from school, groceries, and finally dealing with me being a turd half the time. That's a lot to deal with!

For me, the struggle has been being more willing to jump right up and do whatever needs to be done, no matter how tired, no matter how hungry, no matter how smelly I am, to just get up and do it. No questions, no whining (we hear enough of that from the kids), no thinking about myself. Being selfless and providing the real, loving, and committed support she needs.

It will take work, dedication, self empowerment, and faith. It will not be easy at all times, but nor will it be half hearted. I am committed to being the man my wife, my children, and my friends need me to be. I know the road is tough sometimes, and I am tired, hungry, weary, in need of self time, and those times will be my greatest challenge, but I will try my best to overlook myself, be the selfless man, and do what needs to be done. It is what I am called to do.

*Sidenote: Check out Renee's blog at

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