Friday, June 11, 2010

Q&A With Edgar - Being a SAHD

Today I continue the series of Q&A post with stay at home parents with Edgar aka @edathomedad. Edgar is a SAHD living with his wife and daughter Elle and two dogs. Ed is a member of the Band of SAHD who can be found every Sunday night at 11pm EST/8pm PST on Blog Talk radio.  Thank you Edgar for sharing with The DaddyYo Blog. And now, here he is, in his own words. 

1) Tell us a little about your family - I live wife my wife, daughter, and two dogs in Lancaster, PA. In July it will be seven years that we have been married. We meet ten years ago when we lived and worked in Washington, D.C.. My daughter is almost three and a half, I'm thirty-one and my wife is slightly younger than me. I'm Puerto Rican and my wife is a lovely Eastern European mix which should lead to some difficulty for our daughter once she has to fill out her own census form. 

2) How was the decision reached that you would be a SAHD? Once our daughter was born I was able to shift my schedule around so I was home with her during the day. I made a job change in June '08 that lasted until October '08 and thats when I became a full-time SAHD. While I was job hunting it made sense that we would take our daughter out of daycare. We were both happy to take her out of daycare. For the small stint she was in daycare we notice regression in her behavior and an increase in doctors visits. As parents my wife felt I had natural ability when it came to being the primary at home parent.  

3) Do you find it harder than you thought it would be?  The actual day to day care was something I could deal with. I think the hardest part was the mental aspect. It can get extremely lonely when you go all day without any adult conversation or contact. Once I reached the year mark I had a tough stretch when I realized what I thought was a temporary situation was becoming more permanent. Much of the feelings I was having were related to not being able to contribute financially to our family. I felt uncomfortable having all the pressure solely on my wife. Also teething, potty training, and toddler defiance were tough. The latter is still tough.

4) Have you ever wished the parental roles were reversed?  Simple answer, no. As parents we each have our sets of strengths. Mine seem to be suited for our current situation. 

5) People approach you and ask what you do, and you say you are a SAHD, what is there initial reaction?  I have had many odd encounters when I have told people I am a stay at home dad. I'll just run down a few. "Oh your daughter should have an interesting perspective on growing up.", "So, your kinda of like a mom.", "That's so progressive of you and your partner.", "Are you in between jobs?", "You must be doing a good job because you have a beautiful and smart daughter." Unfortunately I have run into more negative reactions than I have positive. 

6) What is the single greatest thing about being a SAHD?  Being able to see my daughter grow and develop before my eyes. I have also grown a tremendous amount not just as a SAHD but as a father and husband.

7) Why do you think more dads are choosing to be the at home parent?  I don't know if it so much of a choice in these times. I think there has been a large shift because of circumstances. The one's that have that choice available to them I believe have a easier transition than those that have shifted from employed to stay at home parent. In addition I believe there is a growing desire from fathers to be more involved in the child raising process. Partly based on many in our generation having a father figure the was absent or detached from the family dynamic.

8) Think you would have the same bond with your children if you were working? No. I am truly thankful for the time I am getting to spend with my daughter. I hope when she is older she is able to look at our time together fondly. 

9) Has being the at home parent changed your relationship with your wife? Better? Worse? We have both faced personal challenges in our new roles. But, we have luckily grown stronger. Parenthood has really helped us communicate better with each other. We truly appreciate the time we get to spend together. Also those moments we get time to ourselves as parents is very important to take advantage of it and reconnect as husband and wife. 

10) Finally, give new and expectant fathers a little advice for their new adventure into dadhood ...All the books out there can never take the place of actual experience. You will learn a tremendous amount about yourself once you become a father. No matter how tired or frustrated you may get just take ten seconds and a few breathes. This small time-out can help save sanity and prevent arguments. Take the moments in the first year or so in. Because show much change will come out about. Just pull as much joy as you can out of the insanity.

Ed At Home


No comments:

Post a Comment

Leave your thoughts!