The Fear of Failure

This post is inspired by a post from Sex and The Single Dad, written by a good friend, JR. Please go the post linked as it is real, authentic, and powerful. Wonderfully written piece JR! The fear of failure is something that bites us all. The fear of not succeeding in the eyes of anyone but ourselves can drive us to the brink of insanity. Why is this? Why do we let the outside influence our insides so much? I find myself asking these questions a lot of myself. There has to be some definable something inside of us that controls how much the fear of failure affects us.

As a dad, this fear is omnipresent. I worry all of the time about whether or not I am failing as a dad and what my children think. I know they are young (3 and 1) but they have their own idea of me in their little brains. I just know they do. What does this image look like though? Do they see me as a great dad? A fun dad? A loving dad? There are many things I could sit here and think about until the point my heart is four feet below my left foot. There are many fears, worries, and concerns for every dad. Fears for the health and safety of our kids, fear of the object behind the smell of that diaper, and the fear of losing a child. The worst of these, and perhaps the most prominent is the fear of failure.

In my experience, the road of life and the road of uncertainty are the same roads. One name for each side of the street in my opinion. We cannot predict the future and cannot change the past. We can only walk the line that is directly in front of us. We can expect the world out of ourselves. We can expect the perfect responses at the perfect times in the perfect places. Yet, if that is all we expect of ourselves, then we can surely expect failure. The fear of failure is overcome when one realizes that failure is a part of life. The only failure to be scared of is failure to use our shortcomings as a lesson and teaching tool.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself" may be the truest words ever spoken by FDR. The biggest thing we have to fear as dads, men, and people, is having fear. It is going to come to us by nature. We cannot hide ourselves from fear. We can, however, work together to overcome our fears one at a time and better ourselves. Our fears will bring us down and in turn prevent us from being the best dads, husbands, and men we can be. We should not fear the kind of dad we are; instead we should be proud of the dads we are and make a promise to our children and our own selves that we will always strive to be the best dads we can be without fear of failure, and fear of fear.

-The Dude-

Now it's your turn! We have all had fears as dads and as people in general. What are your biggest fears about being a dad? What are your fears about life in general? And what do you do to face and overcome your fears? Please share below and together we can learn, understand, and overcome the worst of our fears!

Introducing: Dads Talking - Because Mommy Lets Daddy Talk Sometimes

It  has been said many times by many people: 2010 is the Year of the Dads! The force of dads in the social media world and the ever changing face of dads the world over has been a powerful force in 2010. We have seen an explosion of dad bloggers, such as myself, media outlets talking about the roles that many dads are taking on in their family life, articles about SAHDs redifining the roles of fatherhood. Dads are everywhere!

There is another aspect of dadhood that is being seen now as well: dads are talking! Dads the country and world over are talking, and doing a lot of it. Talking everything from family values, to their own roles
in their families, to the struggles of mainting a balance between work and dadhood. All over the internet,
dads are banding together to support one another, talk with one another, and an amazing online community of dads is being built. It has truly been an amazing thing to be a part of.

This week, DadsTalking.com was launched by Jim Turner (@Genuine). A site dedicated to all things dad and what dads the world over are talking about. The #DadsTalking hashtag on Twitter has also become a huge community with more and more dads getting in on the discussions and the silliness. Now note: this is Dads TALKING not Dad STALKING haha. The website featured a kick off chat bash on saturday with 101 dads total joining in over a 5 hour streaming chat! That's AMAZING!!!

Dads Talking is much more than a web site though, it is quickly becoming a huge movement and will take you by storm! Check out the web site, check out the hashtag on twitter #DadsTalking , and join the
movement of dads who are becoming active in their children's lives and aren't afraid to say so!

On the web;

http://www.dadstalking.com

http://www.twitter.com/DadsTalking

http://www.twitter.com/Genuine

Use TweetChat.com and check out the hashtag #DadsTalking

You can also check out what dads are saying on the #DadsTalking hashtag right here from the blog and on the DadsTalking.com website!

My Five F's of Fatherhood - Post Revived

This is a post from my very first blog "Hell Hath No Fury like Half a Stale Cheesy". . As I have been thinking about my own dadhood recently and the upcoming Fatherhood Friday, I thought I would revive this post and put it back out there, because it sums up exactly what I have been thinking of my life recently. Enjoy!




So as the week ends and the weekend is getting ready to be in full swing, I thought I would take today to write a post about the letter of the day: the letter "F". It's Friday. On Twitter it is FollowFriday and to dads everywhere and over at Dad-Blogs.com it is Fatherhood Friday. So what better letter to write about today than the letter "F". So without further delay I present you with DaddyYo's "Five F's of Fatherhood"

Guest Post: Eric (@BetterHusbands) "Being The Best Husband You Can Be"

Men typically have two important roles in their life.  These roles are so intertwined that you can hardly tell where one ends and the other begins.  Also, success in one is largely dependent on success in the other. Of course I am talking about roles of Husband and Father.

Over at my blog, Better Husbands and Fathers, I write about both roles, their relationship to each other, and how to be better at each of them.  So, naturally when John asked me to write on what it means to me to be the “best husband” I can be, I was excited - Here’s my simple answer: Effort.  You see, there is a reason why I didn’t name my blog “Great Husbands and Fathers” or “Perfect Husbands and Fathers.”  This is because the key to being the best husband you can be is in the process of trying to be better, in other words, it’s the mentality of continuous improvement. The word “better” implies a never-ending process, and that’s exactly what it is. If you think you are already the best husband you can be, you need to try harder!

There are, however, some specific things that you can do (or areas where you should focus this effort):

Guest Post by Josh: What being a dad has taught him about himself

Today's guest post is brought to you by Josh (@DadStreet). New to the dad blogging world, and 

a super swell guy. I asked him to write a guest post for me about what being a dad has taught him about himself. So without further delay, Josh, in his own words. 

So a few days ago I get a message from John asking me to write a guest post on his blog.  To me this is a huge honor for anyone.  His blog is about something special; it's about being a dad.  A blog is your home, a place where you can post whatever you want, whenever you want.  So when John asked me to come into his house and hang my hat it meant a lot to me.  John asked me to write about what being a dad has taught me about myself.  No easy question to answer and I've had to give it some thought...

First, let me quickly introduce myself.  My name is Josh, I recently started a Daddy Blog over at www.DadStreet.com.  I’m married to a beautiful woman who made me chase her for 8 years before giving me the honor.  After 4 failed IUI’s, 1 miscarriage, and given less than 10% chance of ever conceiving, I have 2 beautiful, amazing children, Olivia age 2 and Jake 11 months.  I’m a wine loving, gourmet cooking, photo taking, iPhone slinging, extrovert who can be summed up in 3 letters, D-A-D.

I'm Scared and Need a Hug (or a diaper)

So while I was washing dishes this morning I was doing some thinking. Dish washing is a great time to think. I do a lot of pondering and sel searching when I am washing dishes at work late at night. This morning I was thinking about a comment I received on the new blog design about the picture of me in the header. @babypodesigns  told me it looked like I was looking or the future.  Maybe not so much in the picture, but I was looking at it and thinking about it while washing the dishes this morning.

A lot of people look forward to the fall. The air starts to cool down, the days get a little shorter, and the mountains are a canvas of red, yellow and orange. The smell in the air leaves the senses teased with the anticipation of the upcoming fall and winter holidays. For me, this fall brings changes, and in a way, a whole new life. The Wifey is going back to school starting this fall, majoring in Pharmacy Tech, my son will start the Head Start preschool program right next door to us, and I am stepping in to a new role at work as a part time manager. It is a very exciting time for us, but it is also so very scary. So let's break it down as to why each new adventure scares the crap out of me.

Real Talk: Taking a Deeper Look Inside (Final Post for this Series)

I have been posting in the "Real Talk" series for a couple of weeks now, talking about what it means to be a "real man" in different areas of our life. The feedback has been great and I have been learning a lot about myself as well while writing this series.

But today, it is time to stop, and take a look at my life, and evaluate where I am at in my quest to become more real. It's time to look at where I am, and where I want to go, and what I have to do to get there.  This will be the last post in the series for a little while and the series will be moved to new hosting over at Real Authentic Men. So, sit down with me, let me lie on your couch, and take a look inside.

Guest Post from Kevin Metzger: The DADvocate Project

Hello, I’m Kevin (@TheDADvocate) and I’d
like to start off this post by thanking The DaddyYo Blog for giving me the opportunity to guest post on their site and providing me the opportunity to tell you, the readers about The DADvocate
Project.

The DADvocate project is founded on the belief that as culture, business, and society has
changed so has the approach men are taking towards Fatherhood and family. I believe there
are quite a number of factors that contribute to this change and I wanted to put together a study to find out if my thoughts had any merit. As a result I have put together the largest privately conducted survey of dads ever undertaken. Our goal is to survey 1000 dads and interview 100 of them to get a feel for the modern day dad.

If you are a dad then you'll want to participate by completing the
www.thedadvocateproject.com/survey>survey. You may also want to sign up to be
interviewed. If you do sign up to be interviewed then you'll be entered into a drawing for an
Apple iPad to be held on August 1st. The survey is 60 questions and takes about 20 minutes
to complete but it's for a good cause. I also want to ensure that I will not be using or selling any personal data. All data will be aggregated and personal details will be removed. If you don't care to be interviewed you can also take the survey completely anonymously.

The DADvocate project is starting to gain momentum and you will want to be part. Here are
some quotes from others who have participated in, and/or support the project.

 Drew Bennett (BenSpark)
"Form me there are no TV role models for Dads out there right now. I can’t think of one Dad on
TV or in movies that make me proud. Dad’s in the media are portrayed as morons or people
who avoid time with their family. However, that is not the kind of Dad I am and also it is not the type of Dad that many of my friends are. The DADvocate project is looking to change that."

Chris Singer (SAHD in Lansing)
"Kevin is indeed the full embodiment of a DADvocate. Not only does Kevin advocate on behalf of fathers and positive fatherhood, but also advocates strongly on behalf of one of his daughters, Haley, who was born with Cerebral Palsy. Although Kevin is only doing what any terrific DADvocate would do, I have to say I really admire Kevin and his family for the incredible support and advocacy they show for their
daughter."

Julia Roberts - Sheposts.com
"Kevin Metzger wants to answer a simple question: How are dads involved in their kids’ lives
verses dads of previous generations?"

Robbin Cobb - High Velocity Radio show
"I really loved hearing about what Kevin's doing in the DADvocate project."

Stone Payton - High Velocity Radio Show
"I loved talking about the whole DADvocate thing and in a lot of respects I'm a stay at home
dad. Which is one of the reasons I chose an entrepreneurial path."

Chris Jordan - Comment on a post at MetzgerBusiness.com
"I admire your work with the DADvocate project, and appreciate it more than you know -
especially in the role I play here at home with my daughter. There really is an all new generation of dads out here and I'm glad that you're helping us find our voice. Keep up the great work! If there is anything I can do to help with that project, please don't hesitate to ask for my help."

If you’re a dad join as by taking part in the survey. If you’re not a dad share this with all the dad’s you
know and encourage them to participate.

Real Talk: Balance of being Hubby and Daddy

As dads, we are always struggling with how to be the best daddy we can be and the best men we can be. In the "Real Talk" series, we have talked about what it means to be a "real man" in different areas of our lives. Being a dad, being a husband, having courage, and making changes.

Then yesterday, my mom put the seed in my brain in raising this issue: To be the best dads you can be, you also must be the best husband-partner you can be. Powerful thought! There is a balance in our lives between being the best dad and being the best partner for our spouses. Both of which are very important in having a healthy relationship with our families, and for helping us become "real men".

 Obviously, in some situations, it is not always possible for both parents to be at home, and I understand and acknowledge that completely. Choices that other's make are their choices and I am not here in any manner to step on peoples toes or to judge. However, I cannot write this post from that perspective not being in that type of situation myself. And I will not pretend to know about anything I don't know. This post deals with those of us who are married or have a partner at home. That being said, let's move on, shall we?

Kicking Bugs and Taking Naps: My Son and Me

Let me start off by saying this: MY SON IS CRAZY!!! Haha ... no really, my son has such a vibrant imagination, and is so hyper all the time, you can't hlp but to laugh and love him. He plays without pausing and can create such wonderful, imaginary worlds to play in, that sometimes i wish I could invent a virtual reality room to bring these worlds to life.

Now don't get me wrong, all that cuteness, all the adorable "catch phrases" he has, and all the charm, cannot keep him from blowing mommy and daddy's tops with his tantrums, non-compliancy, and lack of listening when we are telling him what he can and can't do. But then again, boys will be boys, 3 year olds will be 3 year olds, and I am sure my mother would tell you that I have no room to be talking because I was the same way at that age.

So, why did I decide to write this post about him? Well duh, it's because I love the little booger. It is much easier, being at the age he is and developing the way he is, to interact with him more and become a part of those worlds. Where my daughter is just 13 months, she hasn't developed all these characteristics, although she is coming into her own more and more each day now. My son and I have such a different relationship because of the way we interact. Me and my son, my son and me.

Sure, I praise him when he does the right thing or reaches a new milestone, and I lay down "daddy law" when the roughneck side of him shows. I can feed him, bathe him, and maintain his general upkeep, and all the parts of parenting that come with, well, being a parent. But a large part of our relationship is revolved around me being a "playmate" for him. Me and my son, my son and me.

We don't know many people with children his age around here, being that my wife and I are a few years younger than most the parents of children his age and we don't have much of a social life outside of people I work with and our neighbors. And all that is okay by me. I am quite happy spending more time with my family than we do going out to parties and date nights or what have you. So as my son's mental awareness and the ability to imagine and really bring those dreams and childhood thoughts of his to life, I was here for it all. Me and my son, my son and me.

Him and I have spent many a countless hour sitting on the couch, watching the "ree rees" (what he called dinosaurs when younger) and "Back Room, Outta Range" (Veggie Tales: The Pirates who don't do Anything from Big Idea Productions). We have searched for a lost egg, run from "boogies" and raced around the world, all in the comfort of our home. We have killed imaginary bugs and spiders to fill an imaginary 42' tractor trailer and talked to everyone on the face of the planet with children's play phones. Me and my son, my son and me.

Me and my son, my son and me. Kicking bugs, and taking naps. Shooting the breeze, and giving daps.  I wouldn't change it for the world. My son is one of my best friends. And that is perfectly cool. What dad doesn't want to be their son's best friend? I know that in a few years, especially when he starts school, the relationship will change. I will no longer be his favorite playmate, or the first friend he tells a secret to. But I will always be dad. I will always be here, when he is in need of a friend, or a closer shoulder to cry on. And if he ever needs a playmate from me, I will always be ready to let my imagination run free with his. Me and my son, my son and me.

Real Talk: Being a "Real Man" - Guest Post by @mochadad

Walking through my old neighborhood, I noticed one of my old friends, Vando, walking toward me.
“What’s up, man,” he said as we shook hands. A few years had passed since I had seen Vando, but his weathered face made it seem as if it were decades.
“Nothing much,” I replied. “What’s been up with you?”
“Same ole, same ole,” he said. “Just trying to survive.” I knew all about his means of survival. Petty theft, pimping, and drug trafficking kept his pockets full of cash.

While we reminisced, I learned the fates of some of the neighborhood boys we grew up with. The ones who weren’t dead or in jail were quickly on their way towards one or the other. Only a few of us managed to slip through the cracks.

Since we last saw each other, I had graduated from college, got married, had kids and moved to the burbs. Vando, on the other had lived in the same house and hung out on the same corners that we did as teenagers. As I gazed into Vando’s dark eyes, the world I worked so hard to forget became real to me again, and I began to see traces of my former self in Vando’s weary face.

Before meeting Vando, books were my escape, taking me to places that transcended the poverty, squalor, and despair that surrounded me. Through my books, I could be an astonaut, detective, or brave knight. But the life Vando introduced me to proved to be more alluring than my pristine fantasies. Our escapades were filled with excitement and danger. We mostly engaged in typical juvenille deliquent activities such as shoplifting, vandalizing, or fighting with other boys. But one day, things took a turn for the worse.

Vando and I were loitering on a corner when he noticed a girl walking by. His demeanor turned grim, his body grew tense. Suddenly, he broke a huge branch from a tree, ran to the girl and started beating her. Tears mixed with blood poured from her face as Vando pummelled her – each blow producing a sickening whap against her flesh.
Afraid Vando would kill the girl, I grabbed the branch causing Vando to glare at me with rabid eyes. I was frightened, but I held on refusing to allow him to beat that girl anymore.

“Let’s get outta here,” he said after several minutes. Vando dropped the branch and we ran to his house narrowly escaping some men who were chasing us.

Once we were safely inside, Vando told his grandmother, “If someone knocks on the door, don’t answer it.” The gentle woman nodded quietly and continued watching television as if she had experienced this situation before. Vando and I ran to his bedroom and crouched in the darkness without uttering a word. We sat for about twenty minutes before we were startled by police officers’ banging on the front door.

“Just chill out,” Vando said coolly. “Don’t say nothin’ and they’ll leave.”
After a few minutes, they did leave. When they were gone, I turned to Vando and asked, “What’s wrong with you man? Why’d you beat up that girl?”
“She lied on me. She got what she deserved.”

I wanted to tell Vando that no one deserved such brutal treatment; that he was a cold, heartless animal. However, I said nothing because I didn’t want Vando to think I was soft.
After that night I avoided Vando as much as possible. Whenever he asked me to hang out with him, I always gave him ane excuse. He eventually got the message and left me alone.

With Vando, I was able to tap into the raw masculinity that boys long for. But I was misguided as many young males are. I thought that Vando was teaching me how to to be a man. All he was teaching me was how to be a criminal. That’s why it is so important for fathers to be involved in their sons’ lives. As much as my mother tried to teach me how to be a man, her gender prevented her lessons from sticking. Sons need fathers.

I realize that my sons will most likely encounter Vandos in their lives.  It is up to me to provide them with an authentic version of manhood so they will not be enticed by this pale imitation. I must teach them to balance their need to be rough, rugged and raw, with the ability to be caring and respectful. My example will be their sword and shield in the battle for their hearts and minds.

I think I may be on the right track. The other night, my 5-year-old son, N, said, “My dad is the best man I know.” If he can still say this 20 years from now, then I know that I will have been successful in my role as a father.


--

Mocha Dad
http://www.mochadad.com
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/mochadad
CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG: http://www.makingitlastforever.com

Q&A With Edgar - Being a SAHD

Today I continue the series of Q&A post with stay at home parents with Edgar aka @edathomedad. Edgar is a SAHD living with his wife and daughter Elle and two dogs. Ed is a member of the Band of SAHD who can be found every Sunday night at 11pm EST/8pm PST on Blog Talk radio.  Thank you Edgar for sharing with The DaddyYo Blog. And now, here he is, in his own words. 

1) Tell us a little about your family - I live wife my wife, daughter, and two dogs in Lancaster, PA. In July it will be seven years that we have been married. We meet ten years ago when we lived and worked in Washington, D.C.. My daughter is almost three and a half, I'm thirty-one and my wife is slightly younger than me. I'm Puerto Rican and my wife is a lovely Eastern European mix which should lead to some difficulty for our daughter once she has to fill out her own census form. 

2) How was the decision reached that you would be a SAHD? Once our daughter was born I was able to shift my schedule around so I was home with her during the day. I made a job change in June '08 that lasted until October '08 and thats when I became a full-time SAHD. While I was job hunting it made sense that we would take our daughter out of daycare. We were both happy to take her out of daycare. For the small stint she was in daycare we notice regression in her behavior and an increase in doctors visits. As parents my wife felt I had natural ability when it came to being the primary at home parent.  

3) Do you find it harder than you thought it would be?  The actual day to day care was something I could deal with. I think the hardest part was the mental aspect. It can get extremely lonely when you go all day without any adult conversation or contact. Once I reached the year mark I had a tough stretch when I realized what I thought was a temporary situation was becoming more permanent. Much of the feelings I was having were related to not being able to contribute financially to our family. I felt uncomfortable having all the pressure solely on my wife. Also teething, potty training, and toddler defiance were tough. The latter is still tough.

4) Have you ever wished the parental roles were reversed?  Simple answer, no. As parents we each have our sets of strengths. Mine seem to be suited for our current situation. 

5) People approach you and ask what you do, and you say you are a SAHD, what is there initial reaction?  I have had many odd encounters when I have told people I am a stay at home dad. I'll just run down a few. "Oh your daughter should have an interesting perspective on growing up.", "So, your kinda of like a mom.", "That's so progressive of you and your partner.", "Are you in between jobs?", "You must be doing a good job because you have a beautiful and smart daughter." Unfortunately I have run into more negative reactions than I have positive. 

6) What is the single greatest thing about being a SAHD?  Being able to see my daughter grow and develop before my eyes. I have also grown a tremendous amount not just as a SAHD but as a father and husband.

7) Why do you think more dads are choosing to be the at home parent?  I don't know if it so much of a choice in these times. I think there has been a large shift because of circumstances. The one's that have that choice available to them I believe have a easier transition than those that have shifted from employed to stay at home parent. In addition I believe there is a growing desire from fathers to be more involved in the child raising process. Partly based on many in our generation having a father figure the was absent or detached from the family dynamic.

8) Think you would have the same bond with your children if you were working? No. I am truly thankful for the time I am getting to spend with my daughter. I hope when she is older she is able to look at our time together fondly. 

9) Has being the at home parent changed your relationship with your wife? Better? Worse? We have both faced personal challenges in our new roles. But, we have luckily grown stronger. Parenthood has really helped us communicate better with each other. We truly appreciate the time we get to spend together. Also those moments we get time to ourselves as parents is very important to take advantage of it and reconnect as husband and wife. 

10) Finally, give new and expectant fathers a little advice for their new adventure into dadhood ...All the books out there can never take the place of actual experience. You will learn a tremendous amount about yourself once you become a father. No matter how tired or frustrated you may get just take ten seconds and a few breathes. This small time-out can help save sanity and prevent arguments. Take the moments in the first year or so in. Because show much change will come out about. Just pull as much joy as you can out of the insanity.


Ed At Home


@edathomedad

Real Talk: Being Real as a Dad

Continuing in the series "Real Talk" I figured it would only be right when it came to hitting on certain areas of life that I would talk about being real when it comes to being a dad. I guess a lot of people would say that if you are a "real man" as defined by the posts in this series then being a dad would just coem as part of that. However, I do not see this as being entirely true.

To be able to be real in life, I must be real in all areas of my life. I am a dad above all else. My children come first for everything in my life (followed very very VERY closely by my wife). Therefore, it seems logical to have a very stronger will to be real as a dad, above other areas. What does this mean exactly?

My calling, as a dad, is to protect, provide for, and teach my children, to do it to the best of my ability, and to prepare them for the life that lies ahead of them. This also calls for me to be real with myself and with my children at all times. I am here to tell you it's not possible. There are times when my actions or my reactions to situations are out of line, and need a realignment. There are times when my judgement does not reflect the best of my abilities.

This area is under constant construction. Never could I know all the answers all the time all the right times. I want what's best for my children (who doesn't, right?). Eventually they will grow up and one day look back on how they were raised when questioning their own parental abilities. What I do now, will be a reflection of who I am now, to who they are then. Right? My oldest is at the age where imitation is the key to learning how to act, react, and what to say and when. Too many words of anger heard, too many words of anger spoken. Words of love, honesty, firmness, and compassion foster a caring, proper, and honest understanding of life and the cause and effect of actions.

I want my children to know that their father loves them, even when anger is about to boil over, and to be able to recognize that anger, before it boils. I want to be able to speak nothing but honesty and compassion with them, so they may grow up to be kind and understanding. I want my life to be something they can measure me by, and be admired by.

Perhaps they won't grow up the way I want them to. In fact, I can promise they won't. But one thing that can remain a constant through the times we will share together, is that I tried to be real with them and in my raising of them. I promise them to try, to try to be real, to try to be honest, and loving and compassionate, to raise them with the best of my abilities, and to raise them the way being a "real dad" calls me to be.

Real Talk: Guest Post by TheJackB

So my friend John asked me to write a post about what it means to be a real man and presto changeo, I have the following thoughts to share with you. But before I begin allow me to share some of the lyrics from the song I am listening to:

Do you really think I care,
What you read or what you wear,
I want you to join together with the band,
There's a million ways to laugh,
And every one's a path,
Come on and join together with the band.

Everybody join together, I want you to join together,
Come on and join together with the band,
We need you to join together, come on and join together,
Come on and join together with the band.

You don't have to play,
You can follow or lead the way,
I want you to join together with the band,
We don't know where we're going,
But the season's right for knowing,
I want you to join together with the band.

It's the singer not the song,
That makes the music move along,
I want you to join together with the band,
This is the biggest band you'll find,
It's as deep as it is wide,
Come on and join together with the band,
Hey hey hey hey hey hey, well everybody come on.

Join Together- The Who

I suppose that I could write it off as a coincidence that this started playing now. Could say that it is just part of the iTunes shuffle but I won’t. I won’t because it is appropriate and pertinent to this discussion.

A real man understands that there is a time and place for being part of a community or an individual. He recognizes that there are moments when he must go off by himself and follow his heart and that some times obligations/responsibilities must come ahead of that.

A real man understands that his role within the family unit is to provide for his family.  What is important to remember is that the most critical thing that a real man can provide for his family is emotional stability and then financial.

Now these are concepts and ideas that are not written in stone and are subjective in nature. But that is ok because when you deal with people and these sorts of things there is no single formula to follow, no one way to do things.

Family life is fluid and dynamic. Things are always changing. Children grow, parents age and relationships build, develop and dissolve. So a real man figures out how to adapt and overcome the challenges that are presented.

A real man accepts responsibility for the good and the bad. You hold yourself accountable because when the lights go out and you are alone with your thoughts it is always clear whether you met or failed to meet the mark you set.

In my mind a real mind is active in the world around him. He gives back to his community and tries to make the world a better place. These are not platitudes or things to be said for the purpose of making one look better.

Of course you could do so. You can always find a way to present a front to others, but you can never truly fool yourself. So when I sit down and think about whether I meet the mark, whether I fit the description of a real man I think…sort of.

Still working, still growing and hopeful that one day I get it right. But that is the good news, the real man always has another day. Another day to try to do it all again, to be better. Because a real man can’t accept just giving up.

Better to fail trying than to not try at all.

By: @TheJackB

Jack Be Nimble

Real Talk: What it Means to be a "Real Man"

After some great conversations with some equally great men, I have decided to start a series of posts about being a "real man". Along the way I will be posting about different areas in my life that I am trying to be more real in and will also feature guest posts from other guys about what it means to them to be a "real man".

Let me start with this disclaimer: This is not a post about machismo attitudes or sheer brute strength and the ability to have any woman you want. Nothing about those things mean being a "real man" to me. So if you are looking for posts about the ability to lift a VW Beetle by myself, or the number of girls that think I'm the bomb, then  Google it, and look there. This is about much more personal and deeper meaning of the term "real man".

I'm not perfect. I am very far from it. I am not always the greatest husband and the greatest father, greatest brother and greatest son. I can try though. And I can try my best to be real in every aspect of my life. What does it mean, though, to be a "real man"?

To me, it means being the man you are called to be. Being the man your family needs you to be. I can admit that I have not always been that man. Nobody is perfect, so it is to be expected that no man can ever be exactly the man they need to be or want to be. And it is a goal I don't think can ever really be met, but can always be strived for. We all want the best out of life, and want the best for our families. In this regard we are called to be real, to be honest and open in our lives. We are called to lay aside the worldy view of men for a more personal view of the men we are individualy and personally.

As life moves on and changes us, also we must change with life. As life has carried me to the point I am at, I have been able to take note of the ever changing world, and my ever changing self. As of recently, being more of a "real man" and being more active in the lives of my children, and more active in my role as a husband, has been on the forefront of my mind. Growing up has its challenges, and these are just two of them. As a working man, it is not easy to always know everything about my children, but I try. I try to spend good, quality time with them when I am home, and I have learned to value the time I have with them. As for marriage, I am not even going to pretend I can give any direction to anyone about it. Everyone's relationships are different, and is just another area that challenges us. Being more open, and honest, caring and understanding ... the true challenge of becoming a "real man".

I have thought about this more and more recently after some great conversations with other men who try their best to be real in their lives, and be honest and open with everyone they come in contact with. I find that the more I am honest  and open the better I feel about myself, and the better connected I can be with my wife, my coworkers, friends, and family.

Being a real man is not about strength, sexuality, knowledge of sports, or knowledge of beer. It is not about how many women you can pick up, or how many shots you take before you are completely sloshed. It is about being honest. Being open, and unafraid to wear your emotions and feelings and thoughts on your sleeve for the world to see.

Throughout this series, you will see guest posts from men who strive to be real, and what being a "real man" means to them. Men: The world is constantly changing and so are we. The call has been placed for all men to lay aside boyish dreams and ideas of masculine dominance, and to be more real. Time to show the world that there are men who are honest, unashamed to show their flaws, and not afraid to let their emotions out. There are men who want to be real.

*if you feel you have something you can add to this series, or want to share what beign a real man means to you, please feel free to e-mail me at thedaddyyoblog@gmail.com and I will be happy to talk with you*

Quick Q&A with Chris Singer: Being a SAHD

There are a lot of areas in parenting and being a father that I have experience in. Not that I'm an expert, I am way far from it. Experiences are not experiences if you always know what you are doing. One area I do not have experience in and am unable to write about, is being a SAHD. My wife has been the at home parent for three years counting while I work. Which is how I like it. Not that I don't want to be home (I would love not having to work) but because I believe a mother has a stronger connection being the carrier of the child for 9 months, and I want my children to be raised by one of their parents and not a caregiver. 

Seeing the recent trend in dads being the at home parent, and due to the recent connections I have made with SAHDs on Twitter, I thought I would use my next Q&A post to have a SAHD answer a few questions to share the world of at home parenting with everyone. This blog is about the adventures in dadhood, and being an at home dad is one of those adventures.

Enter into the scene Chris Singer, aka @tessasdad. Chris is a SAHD from Lansing, Michigan. I asked Chris to share a little bit about his experiences as a SAHD to give everyone soe insight into an area of fatherhood often unknown and unfamiliar to a lot of people. In traditional, old school America, it has always been the mother who stays home while the dad works. These days, more and more dads are the at home parent, and more are choosing to be. Thank you Chris for sharing with us a little bit into the world of a SAHD. Enjoy!

Window to the World: A Dad's Eye View

When I was little it always seemed that all the world was a stage and that life was a movie starring myself. I could never see the dangers that lie ahead in life, the letdowns, the downsides that everyone must experience. Change was happening all around, but I couldn't see it, couldn't understand it.


Now I have two little ones of my own, and the view of the world has changed so much. Activities that as a child seemed so harmless, I now look at with fear while watching my children.


Jokes that seemed so funny, so harmless in high school, now seem so cruel, so uncalled for and shameful.


I guess that's how it is when you grow up and have children. The world is in a constant state of change, but so am I. The view through the window is never the same twice, and neither is the view from the eye's of a dad. I want the best for my children, for them to be happy, healthy and safe. I don't see the world as I once did. I know about the dangers, the unfairness, the letdowns my children will face. I don't see the unending canvas of endless possibilities of fun and excitement. 


My eyes see the world in a different light now. But I guess that's part of the job and part of growing up. I see the world as a dad would see it. A scary place to set your kids into, a place of uncertainty and excitement. A challenge to show the world who I am as a dad as it reflects through my children. A challenge against the visions of manhood we see displayed all around us, and a fight against the way the world depicts me as being a dad. 


Maybe I'm just rambling, and perhaps the words will get lost with the past views that have passed in front of my window. Perhaps it's not the world that has changed, just I. Just me. Just dad.



Old window and wall by Petr Kratochvil

Wordless Wednesday - A Look Through Time in the Lives of my Kiddos

My Children, My Dearest

I wish for you, my children, my dearest, a lifetime of love, and eternity of happiness.

I wish for you the best life has to offer, and the best life I can give.

I wish for you, my children, my dearest, all the riches of the heart and soul.

You'll never know how much I watch you, observe you, and study you.

You'll never know how much I envy you sometimes, and how I admire you.

You'll  never know how much I know you and how little you know this fact.

I know your faces. I know your smiles, and your frowns.

I know your happy from your sad. Your angry from your hurt.

I know your dances and your motions.

I know your love for each other, brilliant and true.

I know your thirst for affection, and your hunger for life.

I can read your minds and your hearts

I can feel your vibrant spirits and young souls.

I can see your feelings through your eyes and I love them all.

Never have I loved anyone the way I love you.

Never have I adored a human being the way I adore you.

Never could I dream of the feelings you bring to my life.

Never would I have imagined such perfect love.

You, my childen,  are the reason I breathe.

You , my dearest, are the reasons I hope and I dream.

You are the ones who make me be my best when I feel I am my worst.

You are my children, my dearest, my pride and my joy.

I will always put you first, my children, my dearest.

I will always there when you need me to be, want me to be, or ask me to be.

I will always care for you, nurture you, and guide you.

I will always love you with infallible love. With unbreakable, steadfast, incalculable love.

My children, my dearest, when my life comes to an end, remember I always loved you.

My children, my dearest, never forget who you are, and who's you are.

My children, my dearest, the world is your stage. Take it by storm

My children, my dearest.

Written in humble adoration, and unsilenced love,

Your father

Letter to Marlee: Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

To My Precious Marlee:

Today, you turn 1 year old. Now, I know that the number one is a very small number, but to your daddy, this is a big occasion. One year ago today, our family, and my heart became whole. The piece of the puzzle that I had waited 9 long months for, was brought into light and her screams filled my heart with cheer and my eyes with tears.

I will never forget the way I felt the first time I held you, the first time I kissed you, and the first time I gazed into your beautiful blue eyes. I will never forget the gladness that swelled up inside me to the point I thought my body would explode. (not to mention the first time I felt the fear of "OH MY GOSH SHE WILL BE A TEEN ONE DAY)

It has been such a joy and an honor to watch the miracle that is life once again over this last year. Watching you go from the infant that slept in my arms, to the little girl I'm always chasing around, pulling off the bottom stair, the cabinets, the chairs, your brother. The time has gone by so fast, and every minute that seems to have just slipped away, has not slipped away unnoticed.

You have my heart, and my promise; the promise to protect you, provide for you, and be your shoulder to cry on. You have my soul and my will, that no matter how hard it may seem, that I will always press forward, and be the best father I can be, because you deserve it.

You may never read these words, and that's okay; and right now are too young to understand. But always know this: Daddy will always love you, and always be here for you. You are MY daughter, and that is something that nothing, or nobody, can ever change.

I love you baby girl!

With adoration,
Daddy

"I know a girl

She puts the color inside of my world
But she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls are continually changed
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands"

"Daughters" by John Mayer