I Wear My Heart on My Dot Com

Catchy isn't it? Okay, maybe not, maybe a little on the dorky side, but no matter. It is a phrase I used recently in a Facebook message to my buddy Gonzo at work when talking about the blog. First time he had read through it, and he was just giving me some feedback about it. I started thinking more and more about this phrase in the few days following that short exchange. And even more so after reading the latest greatness from JR over at Sex And The Single Dad that talks about the ability to open up about "real" stuff. I recommend everyone give it a read as I believe it is a great struggle for all men and dads to be open and real about everything, especially when it comes to things that aren't "guy talk" material.

So, how does it relate to being a dad, and what I write on my blog? I try my best to be totally open, real, and transparent in what I write here and other places. I try to show all sides, good and bad, manly or not. Even if this means exposing my fears, things that bring me down and bum me out. But it also means sharing the good side of things, the stuff that lifts me up, makes me smile, and lightens my soul, even if just for a moment. 

Being open, and being real are difficult. Often times we feel the need to be a certain someone in front of certain people. We all do this, myself definitely included in that. I often believe that certain people have a particular image of me in their minds, and I try not to break that image by revealing parts of myself they don't know about. Being open and honest is a trait I was not born with, but I try, in everything I do, to achieve. When it comes to being a dad, my heart is on my virtual sleeve.

Everyone in my life knows how much I dig being a dad, and just how much I love my kiddos. There is no doubt to anyone that knows me that my children and my family come first above all in my life. And here, I open up freely about everything that has to do with my being a dad. From the great days, first day of school, potty training accomplishments, to the bad days, grouchy kids, parenting fails, and feelings of inadequacy as a father.

I hope you will always find honest and genuine content here at The DaddyYo Blog. By stopping by, even if just for a 90 second quick read, I hope you can navigate away into the virtual world and leave here feeling like you know me just a little better. This is my outlet. This is wear it all comes out, and all gets released and off my shoulders. And you know, that's just fine with me. Better to let the whole world see me in the reality that is me, than just a few people, and living a lie to the rest. This is who I am. This is DaddyYo. I wear my heart on my dot com.

I Am That Dad: Guest Post and Giveaway

Allow me to introduce to you, Gavin, from I Am THAT Dad. Gavin is the creator of I am THAT dad. He has been riding the married wagon for 14 years and is dad to 3 kiddos (2 boys and one girl). I stumbled upon Gavins site one day through Twitter and was immediately captivated by what I was reading. Another dad that gets it! Best summarized by the line "The dad you want to be is the dad your kids need you to be".  I asked Gavin to guest post here about what it means to be "that dad" and what the title calls us to be. So, I would like to stop taking up time, and hand the steering wheel over to Gavin!

The Challenge is Made: What Do I Do Now?

For those who don't know, Aaron from fatherfolk.com recently posted a letter on the site entitled "And Open Letter to the Dad Revolution". Click on the link to read the letter in its entirety before moving on with this response. It is important to read it all the way through and see what the letter was all about to begin with. There is also a good response to this written by James over at SAHD in Portland, which I think you should also read. A great take on what has been said as well. 

Read them?

Read them all the way through?

Okay, we can move on then. My take on the letter:

First off, let me say, that I deeply respect the opinions of others, and I am a big fan of what goes on over at fatherfolk.com ... I read them daily and hopefully will be meeting with a few folks this month. And I deeply respect the ideology behind the challenge that was made in the letter.

I do, however, disagree that writing about what we do is "the new just showing up". There are millions upon millions of dads who do not show up at all, and many of whom probably can't even tell you their children's middle names.  The ratio of uninvolved dads to engaged, knowledgeable dads is still way off the charts, though the trend towards more dads becoming involved with their children is becoming very apparent. Most of the bloggers I know, those at Dad Revolution, and all around the online dadosphere are engaged dads. Writing about what we do  and our experiences is just our medium for sharing with others. The return of this, of course, is a great network of dads who support each other, listen to each other's experiences and learn from each other as well all are along for the ride of parenting.

I agree with Aaron, and many other dads, that being "good enough" is NOT good enough. Not for this guy anyway. I don't want my wife to be able to say "oh well he is good enough as a dad". I want to be known as a great dad, an involved dad, a dad who knows his children and is capable of raising them and being the dad that they need. It is a struggle, yes, but it IS possible to be more than "good enough". 

The term "revolutionary" means so many things to so many people. Though, my personal belief as the term relates to being a member of Dad Revolution, is not that of trying to change the world on a greater scale so it is better when my children grow up, but something on a smaller scale. Like, my children smaller. The "Dad Revolution", to me, is not about making a statement about the grander social scale, but playing on the level of dads everywhere. I do not think it is possible to change the world as it is, but it IS possible for us to raise our children, as the future of the world, to be more understanding, to look for similarities between them and others, not the differences. I believe if we want to see the world change, then the change begins with us, and how we raise our children.

I accept the challenge from  Aaron on this level: As a member of Dad Revolution, and just a dad in general, I will do more to show other dads what I believe it to mean to be an involved parent. I will be more proactive in encouraging and challenging other dads to become more engaged with their children, and more active in their roles as parents. We can teach our children equality, we can teach them to love, to be gentle, and to be kind. We can help other dads who seek to be the best dad they can be in understanding that as the future or the world, the way we raise our children, and who we raise our children to be, will be what the world is in the future.

How do you change a whole world full of dads? I have no clue. I know how I can change myself, and share that change with other dads, and I will continue to try and encourage other dads to be more than "good enough" and to be the best dad they can be. I will try to live a life that is in accord with what I write, and what I believe in, as "walking the walk" is more important than "talking the talk". Anyone can say anything, but we are called to do more than just talk!

Aaron, thank you for the spirit of challenge, and for pointing out to us that no, being good enough is not good enough, and that we are in positions, as dads, to directly influence the future of this world, and the way that dads the world over perceive their roles. Surely this will be something I think on a little bit more each day, and perhaps a good topic of conversation when we meet. I accept the challenge to be more than just one who writes about experience, but one who encourages and engages with others, so that we may raise the future of this world to be a bright future, and not the same world we grew up into. 

Letter to Caleb on his First Day of School

Today is Caleb's first day at preschool, but sadly I am at work right now and cannot be there to see him off on his big day. But I have a few words to say to him, so Caleb, get mommy to read this to you before you go to school. I love you and will see you when I get home this afternoon.

My Dearest Son on your first day of school,

I am sorry that Daddy cannot be here this morning to see you off on your big day. You are becoming such a big boy and I am so proud of you. Today you start another new adventure in your life. Your first day of school. The time seems to have flown since you were born, and I have cherished and loved every moment that I have had with you. You are my baby boy, always and forever. You will always be MY son and nothing, nobody, no time, can take that fact away.

As you head off with the other kids to start this new chapter, remember that Daddy loves you very much. I am so proud of the little man you are becoming and so proud of all the achievements you have had recently. I hope you have lots of fun today playing with the other kids and meeting your teachers. I know you will do well because you have such a wild imagination and friendly soul. Make lots of new friends today, and show them the best you can be.  Play hard, learn hard, and start this new adventure with an awesome first day.

I love you, Caleb, my son. Daddy is very proud of you, and very sorry I can't be here today. I can't wait to come home and hear about all you did and all the new friends you made. Have a great first day of school. I love you!

With love and adoration,
Daddy

Missing the First Time

This is just a quick post about something I have been thinking about for the last week or so. I am at home by myself right now while the kiddos and Mommy are out at a birthday party and I have started doing too much thinking again. So this is one of those posts where I just kind of get something off my mind, then go back to my regularly scheduled program. This time, it is about missing the first time.

As a dad, it is always a proud moment when my kid have one of their first times. I was there for my son's first smile and laugh, for my daughter's first steps, and for both of them, there for their first breaths, first kisses and first nosies. And there was nothing more incredible than being present at that moment and having those memories stay so fresh in my mind.

But their are some memories that I do not have, because I could not be there. My son's first birthday and first birthday party. Marlee's first time saying "daddy". And this week, I will miss another one. My son starts his very first year at preschool, and daddy will not be here to see him off.

I talked to my mom about this earlier, actually, and she talked about how that is how it was when I was younger and when she was younger and so on. It has been that way for a long time. Mother's getting their kids ready for the first day of school while daddy heads off to work. It is nothing new. So why do I feel so down about it?

I have tried being involved with my kiddos as much as possible. Taking over duties from mommy every now and then so she can get things done, watching them while my wife is at her weekly college class. Feeding them, changing them, bathing them, and of course, playing with them. I love being a dad and love being in the presence of my children. I always want to be with them and share in the moments that make their life history's imprints on my mind. And sadly I have had to, and will probably continue to have to, miss so many of those moments, and it makes me sad.

I guess it's just that strong desire to always want to be with them.  I seriously think I will have a harder time than mommy when they get to the age that we are not the most important people to them anymore, and they want their freedoms away from the home. Which may be the reason I always want to be there right now. Who knows right? Life is like that.

I guess there really is no way to close this post out. I just wanted to put that out in the open, see it written out for myself, and publish it and send it on its way so maybe I will think just a little clearer tonight. Thanks for taking a minute to listen to me ramble. It is always just just to say it. Have a great weekend and I will catch you all later!

DaddyYo

Trading Places & Daddy Takes Over: Day 2

So many words come to mind when I think about how Day 2 of being the at home parent went. But only one word will suffice as the lead off to this post: TRYING! If there was ever a specific day that I could say my highest and total respect for at home parents was given, it was today. I'm just going to say it: I don't think I could ever be the at home parent (unless absolutely had to) and I really have to give it up for my wife and the incredible job she does as a SAHM. Couldn't ask for a better mommy for my kiddos. Now, to continue, here is the recap of Day 2.

Trading Places & Daddy Takes Over: Day 1

BEWARE! Daddy has taken over for two days being the at home parent! Insanity is soon to follow! Okay, so it wasn't that bad. But, it definitely was a new experience and there was much to learn from just the first day.

Let's break down what's up with it all. The Wifey is getting ready to start fall classes at the college. Most of them from at home so she will still be home with the kiddos and I will still be working the regular, relentless hours I usually do. Yesterday and today are the orientation days for her at the college, so naturally, I took two days off from work to keep the kiddos. It is important to note at this point that the kiddos have never been left alone with me for more than a couple of hours. Let alone 9 hours alone with daddy. This post is the recap of Day 1 of daddy takes over the house!

The Music that Defines My Heart

"Don't you know you are my everything. And don't you know you make my heart sing. You've turned my world inside out. Now I know what life is all about. And it's you that I can't live without ..."
-Stretch Arm Strong "For Now" - from the album "Rituals of Life"

*Note* - The above lyrics are a little out of context of the rest of the song, but looking at the quotation above, those exact words, are my exact thoughts when it comes to my children and family, put to ROCKING music.

Today I am following (to a degree) a format of a series of posts seen recently on the blog of @JRReedradio ... Sex and the Single Dad, about music that defines his life. Stretch Arm Strong, as a band, the lyrics, the music, have always had a very profound impact on me. From the time I first listened to them, until right now as I listen to them while I write this. From the first time I saw them live, to the last, just before I moved to Virginia, they have had so much of an impact on my life, more than the members will ever know.

I was listening as I was thinking about topics for upcoming posts, and the above quote came out of my tiny laptop speakers, and just echoed through my mind as I sat and thought about my children. Those words, those exact words, that exact quote, is the written example of everything my children are to me, and the impact they have had on my life.