Friday, August 27, 2010

Missing the First Time

This is just a quick post about something I have been thinking about for the last week or so. I am at home by myself right now while the kiddos and Mommy are out at a birthday party and I have started doing too much thinking again. So this is one of those posts where I just kind of get something off my mind, then go back to my regularly scheduled program. This time, it is about missing the first time.

As a dad, it is always a proud moment when my kid have one of their first times. I was there for my son's first smile and laugh, for my daughter's first steps, and for both of them, there for their first breaths, first kisses and first nosies. And there was nothing more incredible than being present at that moment and having those memories stay so fresh in my mind.

But their are some memories that I do not have, because I could not be there. My son's first birthday and first birthday party. Marlee's first time saying "daddy". And this week, I will miss another one. My son starts his very first year at preschool, and daddy will not be here to see him off.

I talked to my mom about this earlier, actually, and she talked about how that is how it was when I was younger and when she was younger and so on. It has been that way for a long time. Mother's getting their kids ready for the first day of school while daddy heads off to work. It is nothing new. So why do I feel so down about it?

I have tried being involved with my kiddos as much as possible. Taking over duties from mommy every now and then so she can get things done, watching them while my wife is at her weekly college class. Feeding them, changing them, bathing them, and of course, playing with them. I love being a dad and love being in the presence of my children. I always want to be with them and share in the moments that make their life history's imprints on my mind. And sadly I have had to, and will probably continue to have to, miss so many of those moments, and it makes me sad.

I guess it's just that strong desire to always want to be with them.  I seriously think I will have a harder time than mommy when they get to the age that we are not the most important people to them anymore, and they want their freedoms away from the home. Which may be the reason I always want to be there right now. Who knows right? Life is like that.

I guess there really is no way to close this post out. I just wanted to put that out in the open, see it written out for myself, and publish it and send it on its way so maybe I will think just a little clearer tonight. Thanks for taking a minute to listen to me ramble. It is always just just to say it. Have a great weekend and I will catch you all later!


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