Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Being Someone Great - Hopes for my Children

All fathers have their own fears for their children when they are born. 
Mine were the fear they wouldn’t love me, the fear they were 
“breakable” and the most defining fear for me : The fear they would 
end up just like me. Not  physically, but in the sense of who they would 
become later on in life.

My reasoning behind this fear: I am 27 years old, a college dropout, 
working at Applebees making only 75 cents more than  I did when I 
started 2 1/2 years ago. I have no clue what I would want to do if I went 
back to school because I honestly don’t know what I would be good at. I 
am constantly trying to be a mediator in a battle of paycheck vs bills 
every 2 weeks.

Not the best way to be living, although don’t get me wrong, I know I am 
a lot better off than a lot of people, and I’ve been a lot lower in my own 
life to be able to still appreciate things like a roof, a shower, and of 
course having my family near me. 

I know when I die, most people won’t remember my name, or where I 
have worked, or even what I was most known for. I do hope people will 
remember what kind of spirit I had (if they think it’s a kind one) and what 
I did in my life for other people.

For my children, though, I do not want them to grow up and have to 
struggle. I do not want them to have to know the frustration, the stress, 
and the strain on life that exists in the world. I want them to go on to 
much better things than I have in my life.

I don’t wish for them to be famous movies stars, athletes, or musicians. 
I don’t wish for them to have a large bank account that affords them the 
riches they will never need. But I wish for their greatness.

Greatness defined : When my children have grown old and passed, I 
want people to remember them. I want them to have been people of 
integrity, people of immeasurable kindness, people of unshakable 
conviction. I want people to stand around and remember them as 
people who always put family first and did what they had to for their 
family. I want them to be known the world around for their acts of love 
and their words of truth. 

I want them to shine I light on the world that will never fade, never grow 
dim, and never be unseen. I want them to shower the world with a love 
that can be felt by all and a greatness that can really be admired. Not for 
 their worth, or talents, or products.

I sometimes feel I have failed my children in that I haven’t lived my life 
like this, and thus I have a fear they will end up like me. I feel that my 
inabilities and instablilties will not show them a life of “greatness” like I 
spoke of earlier. I pray for the strength to change myself to live with 
this greatness for the hopes that my children will one day be great. 

1 comment:

Chris (@tessasdad) said...

Hey man,

Very heartfelt post! I can relate to what you're feeling. Although I'm going to be 38 in a month, I feel that I made a lot of poor decisions early in my 20s that might have prevented me from being where I thought I should be at with my life. However, when I really think about it, those hardships and mistakes have made me who I am today. I'm my harshest critic and it sounds like you are that way with yourself. I won't ever stop being my harshest critic and I doubt you will ever stop either, but I don't think it's going to matter whether you're a cook or an accountant, your kids are going to see you as their dad. And if you're a good dad to them, they won't care about much else. If you ask me, that's a significant achievement and a huge success.

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